locked inside (for the people watching challenge...sort of...)

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jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

0 posted 2003-08-27 12:36 PM

well I know I am late, as always, but isn't a late jellybean just as sweet?.......rofg...and ok, I don't even know if this technically qualifies for the challenge, but this is what came out...sigh

locked inside

the pretty lady
cries
as if
to wash the wall
on which
she is sitting

upon car hood
bags and books
are objectionably
stared at
and they nod
the people
the ones that stare
with eyes
that pretend
they aren’t
really

oh that must
be
her reason why

but they don’t know
the people
that she cries
for all
that is lacking
for youth
gone by
for love that is
missing
and she cries
for compromises
one too many
but she cries
most of all
for what is locked
deeply inside

enclosed
within a loss
she resides
locked tight-
no key
no hostage note
and no one
to whom to reply

but surely
a person must be
missing
for where
she sobs
am I?

but none
of the people
the ones
that don't
seem to watch
notice

they have
gathered
their
assumptions
and walked on
by

[This message has been edited by jellybeans (08-27-2003 02:50 PM).]

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

1 posted 2003-08-27 12:46 PM

This is really good..

And I'm sure K will love it as I did.

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

2 posted 2003-08-27 03:05 PM

thank you, hadn't intended to write for this challenge, nothing whatsoever had come to mind, but lock your keys in your car, and have more than a few minutes on your hands waiting for relief, and luckily my muse occupied my mind...*smile*

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

3 posted 2003-08-28 09:10 AM

but she cries
most of all
for what is locked
deeply inside

enclosed
within a loss
she resides
locked tight-
no key
no hostage note
and no one
to whom to reply

Ah... what a sad snapshot you've shared with us... so much depth resides there... in spite of the casual glances that slide over and on. Well done! *S*

Opeth
Senior Member

since 2001-12-13

Posts 1543
The Ravines

4 posted 2003-08-28 09:34 AM

I sense a dual meaning in this write - an analogy or comparison, if you will.

Enjoyed.

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

5 posted 2003-08-28 10:11 AM

thank you suthern, when I write 'sad', it just comes out, and then I read it for errors more than content, that is until you read my words and bring out the jist of what I was trying to say....thank you lady...

opeth, thank you, and yes, most of my poems have a duality to them...not that I try to, its just the way my muse thinks *smile*

oh
and I must add an author's note:
when I wrote the word "pretty" before the word "lady" I am claiming poetic license...*grin*

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

6 posted 2003-08-28 10:21 AM

jellybeans

You write her with compassion...and so well!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

7 posted 2003-08-28 11:15 AM

A jellybean is just as sweet as long as it isn't under the couch and you don't have to pick fuzzies off of it...

The poem was touchingly beautiful...

Susan

KoKo
Senior Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 995
Inside the shadow's shadow

8 posted 2003-08-28 11:20 AM

Ouch...the end did me in. i really liked this, as much as it pained me to read

So sad...-sigh-

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
--Chang Tzu

El_Campeador
Senior Member

since 2003-01-29

Posts 761
Ohio, USA

9 posted 2003-08-28 12:41 PM

Yes, I think you proved that a late jellybean is just as sweet. This is an excellent poem!

“We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best that we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” –Robert Louis Stevenson

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

10 posted 2003-08-28 01:57 PM

martie, thank you, I think that is good, I didn't used to have compassion for her *jb shrugs and sighs*

susan [email protected] you for the smiles and the comments

koko, thank you, a lot of what I write seems to be sad, but I am working towards a resolution of that

el camp, thank you, glad you liked

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

11 posted 2003-08-28 04:40 PM

You took the challenge and met it on your own terms with your own bit of dash and unique style.

I love the way you write.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

12 posted 2003-08-28 09:13 PM

OK *hands on hips, tapping foot*

where were you? you saw me but I didn't see you....no fair

good stuff missy

timothysangel1973

Senior Member

since 2001-12-03

Posts 1725
Never close enough

13 posted 2003-08-28 10:17 PM

Hey, I always say better late than never...and this was absolutely wonderful my poetic friend!

*I too should have joined this challenge, and am in progress, so take comfort in knowing that you aren't the latest...hehe

Great write!

Tima

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

14 posted 2003-08-29 04:38 PM

serenity, thank you lady, am glad you were pleased, and *I* love the way you write, I see myself as so simplistic and your work is so complex...

ps...lolol...you too huh? thank you lady

timothy...thank you, will look forward to your addition

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