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Open Poetry #28
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Here's to Lovin' You, kid
| Open Poetry #28 |
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Here's to Lovin' You, kid |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow 
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Turn my lights off.. staggering for i'd rather not walk. no bearing down, no weight nor burden. i'll carry only you to your early shadow. merely just simply adoration. drowning myself in the anticipation life feeding upon my life.. or was it something i'd heard long ago.. just a memory one i can throw back as if sand in my shoe. Turn my lights right off.. Staggering is my only mode of transportation in a world where light is the one true evil. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Meghan Armitage - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
I love the darkness of this poem. Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Staggering is my only mode of transportation in a world where light is the one true evil. incredible..yeah thats me too but you know that already |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
as I fight the urge to sleep because I am alive within the night . . . this is perfect Meg . . . just perfect xxoo |
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QjQ Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756U.S.A. |
~*~ >>>~Terrific~<<< ~*~ |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Very good writing, Meghan....as are all of your poetry.  Hugs to you  Ethel |
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KoKo Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995Inside the shadow's shadow |
-Nod- This is incredible. It stings, your pain and frustration is more than evident. -Soft hugs- Incredible. I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Sounds like a late night after expectations having been tarred and feathered... -MVS You CAN make a difference: |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
a world where light is the one true evil yes, it can be much of the time a rude, stark awakening that slaps the face with cruelty this is real good, |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Meg~Brilliant! I find I do better with no light. Susan |
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Minister Joe Member
since 2003-02-22
Posts 78TX, USA |
Meghan, You have a really great idea in this poem with: Staggering is my only mode of transportation It sticks in my mind, and that's a good thing when in comes to poetry. Since you asked for constructive critique--I would give you some simple, but effective advice to help this idea shine more in your work. Try eliminating some of the abstract words in this: burden, anticipation, adoration, evil... Abstract words are very huge things--like "love" and "evil" for instance, and everyone knows what they mean, but since you've crafted this--and provided us with this very intriguing idea--you'll want to [ishow us, exactly what does burden mean... how does it feel, and what exactly is it like to you in the context of this work. An easy way to avoid abstractions is to get very intimate with the moment, or memory you're trying to capture with a poem... not ignoring rich sensory imagery such as taste, sight, sound, and touch. Even memories invoke sensory flashbacks--and what a boon to your reader to not only bring us a great idea, but show it to us as well. As I said--your idea is intriguing in this--and that's probably the toughest part of writing... getting that great idea. Thank you for this, --Matt Give what you can. |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
im glad someone found this and brought it back, tis absoutly beautiful... "in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums" |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
sorry i submitted before my thought was complete...love sucks...but keep on trucking... "in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums" |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
Always I enjoy reading your poetry, as it is so expressively alive with visuals...thank you for sharing |
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Robert Frazier Senior Member
since 2003-02-06
Posts 1014 |
you write beautifully, with a heavy burden. Rf |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
"Staggering is my only mode of transportation" --for now, perhaps, but you will fly again! Dark and dreary can suck the life right out of a delicate spirit such as yours. Your poetry is so unique and creative.  EA |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Darkness sometimes brings peace. I'm impressed by your write! Love, Margherita  |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
you know i know this. on a lighter note, I do have fun staggering around, falling over in a drunken fashion, tis fun.  Instant karma's gonna get you. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
oh yeah...life feeds on life. sorry...needed to say that  And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!" |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
damn awesome! |
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