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Open Poetry #27
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Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

0 posted 2003-06-18 11:20 PM


When I was young
I'd fling myself
unto the ground
staring at the sky
and picking out shapes
in the clouds

These days I'm
flung to ground
by the fist of things
still staring at clouds
but the only shape I see
is the shape of a boot

about to crash down


© Copyright 2003 raphael giuffrida - All Rights Reserved
the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA
1 posted 2003-06-18 11:21 PM


This is very depressing. But I really liked it.

Cold hands means a warm heart

Forgotenandgone
Member
since 2003-05-07
Posts 52
NC
2 posted 2003-06-18 11:21 PM


That is a very good poem...i really liked it...keep writing...
Slickcme2
Junior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 11

3 posted 2003-06-18 11:21 PM


That was good.
Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA
4 posted 2003-06-18 11:26 PM


is good very very good uhh yea u know I suck at this stuff

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

[This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (06-18-2003 11:28 PM).]

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
5 posted 2003-06-18 11:35 PM


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I was young
I'd fling myself
unto the ground
staring at the sky
and picking out shapes
in the clouds

so much to see on any given day......pick and choose, paint your own sky.........
okay, im floating off now..............
good words, hate that thud tho, but know it well

skyshine
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars
6 posted 2003-06-18 11:37 PM


Well spoken, Aenimal, but depressing. Hope that you see a nicer image soon.

~Elizabeth

Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...
~Jewel

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
7 posted 2003-06-19 12:00 PM


Thanks loner appreciate it

thanks forgoten and slickcme2 wlecome to PIP

lol thanks Kris

Thanks mishy i could do without the thuds too

Me too thanks elizabeth


littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
8 posted 2003-06-19 12:19 PM


. . . if the world would only allow us that innocence of seeing as we once did  . . .

tough write Raph
brilliant as always
xxoo

Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

9 posted 2003-06-19 12:19 PM


"by the fist of things"

I like that line,
clear but still ambiguous.

Kraw'

(Last line is superfluous, I think, easily presumed form the previous line.)

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
10 posted 2003-06-19 12:21 PM


thanks Sue yeah i wish too

krawdad yeah i kinda thought so too but left it in a moment of weakness..and ironically i thought people would think the fist of things was a bad line..thanks for the thoughts

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
11 posted 2003-06-19 02:27 AM


very cool, I related well
BloomingRose
Member Elite
since 2000-08-09
Posts 3092
Florida
12 posted 2003-06-19 09:59 AM


The next time you stare into the sky, search for a rainbow. There is always hope.
Sad poem you wrote, but with good expression. You have to let your heart flow, and you did.

Deb

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
13 posted 2003-06-19 01:34 PM


Knew you would Dixie

Deb thanks I'll give it a try

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
14 posted 2003-06-19 03:18 PM


very very sad...hope you are ok
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
15 posted 2003-06-19 03:21 PM


no worries Sea just my normal #&&$#^$ up self
gemjop
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA
16 posted 2003-06-19 03:50 PM


lol, told u you may have psychic powers, you predicted my week right here!

xxxxxxx

Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665

17 posted 2003-06-20 08:25 AM


Brutal but truthfull, you tell it how it is, we can ask no more.

Goldenrose.


littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
18 posted 2003-06-20 10:39 AM


gemma - he never listens to me about that
is true very true
xxoo

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
19 posted 2003-06-21 07:07 PM


nice read
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
20 posted 2003-06-21 07:17 PM


Yes gemma but I told you the spelling is Psycho..

goldenrose thanks appreciate that

Sue and I've told you the same..use spellcheck

thanks vandana glad you enjoyed it


dreambuilder
Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 319
caddyshack
21 posted 2003-06-21 07:23 PM


I could relate
but now I lay on the ground
look up
& it starts raining
threatening to strike me
with lightning

good write my friend

. . . all that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream  . . .

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
22 posted 2003-06-21 07:46 PM


Much enjoyed the read and the surprise second stanza.
Hope you are okay.
~Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
23 posted 2008-07-31 03:34 PM


Oh my lol, Really, Because if so, that's not pleasant!


ARCTIC WIND

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