When I Sin, You Feel (for Kaoru..and anyone else of course.)

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Open Poetry #27

When I Sin, You Feel (for Kaoru..and anyone else of course.)

JaiOfHeaven
Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 207
California, Usa

0 posted 2003-07-23 02:05 AM

Shatter the sun
In space you stand
little peices of light
grimace into your soul
and all around you

Burning

Fairy light onslaught
corroding your innards
so hot
you stop
and think you're a sinner

Cause it feels so good
and burns so bright
You don't know why
you grasp it tight

Raging dragons breath down your spine
liquid flame dragging down your arms
your chest
cut open the love

splatter
invisble blood
all over your lap
you stomach
the feeling of the sin
petryfying the heart that crushes within..

[This message has been edited by JaiOfHeaven (07-23-2003 02:46 AM).]

Crimson Moon
Member

since 2003-07-21

Posts 52
NY, USA

1 posted 2003-07-23 03:16 AM

Very strong. Feels like what's locked inside me tonight. Thank you for bringing me here.

JaiOfHeaven
Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 207
California, Usa

2 posted 2003-07-23 03:29 AM

No problem crimson.
It was my pleasure.
I was aching to share this with someone.

Jai

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

3 posted 2003-07-23 10:49 AM

"Raging dragons breath down your spine
liquid flame dragging down your arms
your chest
cut open the love"

Wee, I love the dragon part, the imagery in this is awesome.

Awesome

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

4 posted 2003-07-23 11:08 AM

Blood and guts--and passion! Whew! Whatta ride!

Warm hugs,
EA

Ladybug
Member

since 2003-06-17

Posts 236
Massachusetts

5 posted 2003-07-23 11:21 AM

"so hot
you stop
and think you're a sinner

Cause it feels so good"

--> Excellent! I loved this poem

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

JaiOfHeaven
Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 207
California, Usa

6 posted 2003-07-25 05:21 AM

You all inspire me so!
*tears of joy*
yea...for real.
word!

Jai

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

7 posted 2003-07-25 07:35 AM

Jai,

Excellent writing! So descriptive.

Susan C.

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

8 posted 2003-07-25 07:37 AM

jailo,
you brought me right to that place, such good stuff here

walker
Member Elite

since 2001-02-11

Posts 2240
Florida

9 posted 2003-07-25 07:50 AM

Loved it.

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