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Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

0 posted 2003-04-26 09:21 PM

I see your sky
and a crude imitation of
a butterly, but the tail
knew better, it must have
known better

Whipping and whipping,
then I saw her looking
at me and I could tell
from her All-American Mom
haircut, that she didn't like
me much

[And I know that I remind
you of something inside
of you]

Someone take the stage,
yes the man who has plenty
of shame- present the play
and name the cast, every
smooth black driveway complete
with SUV's and Mercedes, every
dollhouse decorated with
things called flowers,
dogs, and trees

But the house isn't
made of bricks, its just
part of the facade, the
wolf made sure, and he built
them that way

[To think that I could fit
here if I just changed my
clothes]

How deep is this, here, where
no one dives and I know that
this is the whitest lie
It reminds of a dog trying
to cover up his
mess*

042403

*Was originally another word but was edited to fit guidelines. It probably sounds less effective now (it does to me), but that's just how it is.

the faeries creep into my hair at night leaving it in terrible knots

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

1 posted 2003-04-26 09:24 PM

i think it's still a great write!! sometimes makeing the reader think works wonders!!

"It matters not how you answer, It matters only if i hear you"

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

2 posted 2003-04-27 12:01 PM

Jaime, this is a fantastic write, I find myself looking out for you...Excellent!

adding to my library.

oh and I think "mess" is more effective..just MHO.

Maree

peaceful_dreamer
Member

since 2003-04-25

Posts 159
SoMeWhErE oVeR tHe RaInBoW

3 posted 2003-04-27 12:06 PM

i love your poem! it flows so well! i'd love to read some of your other work!

peaceful_dreamer

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2003-04-27 05:38 AM

you got this right...very intense and powerful!

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

5 posted 2003-04-27 06:59 AM

Jaime:

didnt lose a thing
you fit quite well
right where you are
amazing sight
xxoo

poetSeaMaiden
Member

since 2003-04-25

Posts 107

6 posted 2003-04-27 08:24 AM

Well, I'm fast becoming a fan of yours! Me thinks we live on the same block or something!

Isn't it funny? All the things you say in here are SO true. I've been there, wondered that myself. GOSH, I can relate to that "All American Mom" haircut thing.

Oh yeah, I could go on and on and share my story too, but I'll spare you! This was SUPERB!! I love how you put your thoughts onto paper.

Keep writing!!

[This message has been edited by poetSeaMaiden (04-27-2003 08:26 AM).]

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