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Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

0 posted 2003-06-02 02:53 PM

                   Lies
                   lies
                   lies
                   and trivial incandescent refuse
                   coat my eyes as satanic mantras
                   spill into my void.

                   When did reason give
                   to abbreviated commercialized
                   sexual selling
                   buy this and
                   poof by god you will be sexy
                   and your breasts will grow
                   like pomegranates from some
                   foreign country harvested by poor
                   slave boys dressed in loin cloths
                   made from old Dockers.

                   Oh I wish I could pluck out my eyes
                   with a dull spoon
                   dispel the notion that madness is criminal
                   I am the god of madness and I wander the streets
                   singing forgotten Grim nursery rhymes
                   I want taboo sex
                   I scream
                   But you must not say that in the ears of
                   Mickey Mouse degenerates
                   as I skip down the yellow brick road
                   I am eccentric
                   I blatantly expose feeble mental genitalia
                   over cyberspace
                   Until the people in white coats
                   come for me
                   fondling my poetry
                   "they are coming to take me away ha ha"
                   "they are coming to take me away"
                   Good now I can sleep
                   sleep
                   sleep in rhetorical egotistical madness.

[This message has been edited by Brad Majors (06-02-2003 03:22 PM).]

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

1 posted 2003-06-02 03:02 PM

"When did reason give
to abbreviated commercialized
sexual selling
buy this and
poof by god you will be sexy"

Ah....do you know where a girl can get some of that???

Dan, Dan, Dan.....sometimes I don't know whether to worry about you or applaud you!

Excellent!

Susan C.

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

2 posted 2003-06-02 03:04 PM

thank you

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2003-06-02 03:05 PM

Hey Dan...dear man, please...use a spell check? Please?

Me come back later...

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

4 posted 2003-06-02 03:18 PM

thank you for the advice.

[This message has been edited by Brad Majors (06-02-2003 03:21 PM).]

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

5 posted 2003-06-02 05:17 PM

i love the maddening frenzy of images you employ.

the echoes of oedipus in: "Oh I wish I could pluck out my eyes
with a dull spoon"

added a touch of classical feel to the poem which i think really helped.

as karilea said - SPELL CHECK!!

one note: i did not understand your repeted line. it could of course be me being thick, but as a general warning, i do not see the need for repetition unless you have a very specific purpose.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

6 posted 2003-06-02 05:20 PM

This is just a little crazy...but you meant to do that...right...James

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

7 posted 2003-06-02 05:34 PM

well I did go back and spell checked it. The repition was to hilight the nodding off to sleep in madness.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

8 posted 2003-06-03 03:39 AM

perty cool stuff

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

9 posted 2003-06-07 05:33 PM

damn i luve reading ur stuf

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

10 posted 2003-06-08 04:58 AM

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

11 posted 2003-06-09 05:37 PM

thank you all!

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

12 posted 2003-06-09 05:41 PM

terricic write!!!

just a hint i write all mine in e-mail and use it's spell check.. because i can't spell kat

you will notice that in many of my replies. and thats why they are short!!

Poetry is a vision that portrays ones impressions.QjQ

[This message has been edited by QjQ (06-09-2003 05:42 PM).]

Always Lisa
Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 133

13 posted 2003-06-09 08:33 PM

Wicked stuff. Hey I liked it and I'm pretty fickle. You took some old stuff like..."they are coming to take me away ha ha"

And played on it.

Regards,
Always Lisa

Jason Lyle
Senior Member

since 2003-02-07

Posts 1438
With my darkling

14 posted 2003-06-09 08:48 PM

This is great, I love your cynical dark writes of truth.

Jason

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

15 posted 2003-06-10 02:18 AM

thank you

Ringo

Member Elite

since 2003-02-20

Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes

16 posted 2003-06-10 08:06 AM

Oh I wish I could pluck out my eyes
with a dull spoon
dispel the notion that madness is criminal

Man, this is a seriously great line.
Another excellent write.

Day after day I'm more confused,
So I look for the light through the pouring rain...

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