Scrapbooks (Rewrite #1) - pipTalk Forums

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ptwils165
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 50

0 posted 2003-06-09 07:11 AM

Shy whispers from an overturned page
tell of sibling summers and soft towels
scraping sand from tiny toes
as dad rests on the coastline wall.
Papering pink feet with care,
he is determined yet smiling,
as if he somehow knows
that his youth lies here with ours.

On the right, my sister, with an ice cream
tipped to the ground- a falling tower
half-gripped by four miniature fingers.
These hands forget their purpose,
as holiday hours detonate sight and sound
to infant frames, forever forming.
Two children wonder, yet not in confusion;
their smiles as fresh as our own

As aching tides strengthen with every sigh,
and sifting seas refuse to tire,
shards of antique rock
emboss our memories of a neon sky.
They sharpen this picture of hazy june
against a backdrop of laughing sands,
and the shadows which will never miss the pacific
as we do.

(comments and guidelines would be really appreciated, as this stuff is tough for me right now)

AniKay83
Member

since 2000-06-28

Posts 388
Missing Since 1999

1 posted 2003-06-09 07:15 AM

Well, you want comments and guidelines?
Keep doin' what you're doin'!!!
And that falls in both categories...
A very powerful piece; I would paste my favorite lines, but I'd be pasting the whole thing...
This is going in my library.

www.heybroproductions.com
unwindyormind
VIVA LA FUNK!!!

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

2 posted 2003-06-09 08:11 AM

and sifting seas refuse to tire,
shards of antique rock
emboss our memories of a neon sky.

I'm agreeing. this had some very strong lines, it drew me in with its detail. loved the dad getting sand off your feet bit. reminded me of my own memories.

very much enjoyed this.

lots of love, gemma xxx

cara_dillon
New Member

since 2003-06-09

Posts 1

3 posted 2003-06-09 11:45 AM

nice and nostalgic. enjoyed this....

cara.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2003-06-09 01:05 PM

very cool write, loved it!

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

5 posted 2003-06-09 01:28 PM

My sister has a scrapbook of her wedding and now one on her being pregnant. I loved this poem.

Cold hands means a warm heart

ptwils165
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 50

6 posted 2003-06-09 04:19 PM

thanks guys, glad this one was enjoyed -all your comments very much appreciated..

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