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Drexler_McStyles
Member

since 2002-11-18

Posts 195
Venice, Ca

0 posted 2003-05-26 11:42 AM

in the end
it was all due to hip fever
and a labyrinth of whiskey and rum
that I had my heel punctured
by an old canine friend of mine
now that I think of it
I stepped on her hip
her bad hip
that’s when I got my ticket punched
why was I walking backwards you might ask?
one of the jaw jacking winos
was twirling her batons
how was I
a man of high moral aptitude
expected to miss a feat like that?
I was only trying to make my way
to the water closet
why the dog was in my path
only Ulysses could say
as I said before
I had hip fever
watching the whirling dervishes
throw their mantles around
its true
I was in a bit of debauched daze
the antique rum I had gambled on
was gathering no dust
the whiskey was etched
in the grooves of the stylus
how was I to know that my dogs dog
had teeth that wise?
privy to my profligacy?

so anyhow
blood began to flow
all over the recently steam cleaned job
the women ran around with stain remover
and blood soaked napkins
I just oozed and sipped on my cocktail
eventually we plugged them up
the holes
and I limped my way
to the toilet
for that elusive piss
when I returned
there was hardly a trace
of my demise
people began showing up
and the girls had a story to tell
needless to say
there was no more hip fever
to be had on that day
but I’ll have the scars to prove
that such things only happen
to those of us with
the lazy eye
and the thirst
for jaw jacking winos

[This message has been edited by Drexler_McStyles (05-26-2003 03:35 PM).]

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

1 posted 2003-05-26 11:51 AM

This is a great piece of work. Clean and to the point.

Thank you for sharing it.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

2 posted 2003-05-26 03:43 PM

Just your phrasing alone can lead to me fits of glee--

"privy to my profligacy"

uniquely alliterative,
and you have this knack of throwing the reader (meaning me--off-center) jaw jacking winos and such--like you write in a private language of mean streets, and I find myself wondering, will I have to grow gonads to write like this? (I know you'll take that in the spirit in which I intended)

I wanna write like this when I grow up...

CaseyLeigh
Junior Member

since 2003-05-15

Posts 48

3 posted 2003-05-26 03:45 PM

see what happens when you drink, steve? at least you didn't kick the coffee table...

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2003-05-27 03:58 AM

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