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Open Poetry #26
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j-oh-E
Member
since 2003-05-01
Posts 59
Texas, USA

0 posted 2003-05-05 03:10 PM



When the ink dried,
It was then I felt
The copper rust of age
as it came from tired eyes.
After song,
On the sea,
Where whipped dunes stay barren in an empty breeze.
And it blows with an awful truth.
Of laughter that peeled off in tattered rags
In the graveyard of her youth.

Her skin had shed its scent
On the edge of patience
Tried
Then spent
And then no words could pull the past,
In pieces as it lay,
In melting sorrow
Left in mud
Like stones when we cracked
And grayed
And aged
And passed

© Copyright 2003 Joe Gomez - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2003-05-05 03:19 PM



Hello Joe...sure would have liked to see this one stray a little longer...



it had all the feel of a good story, just starting...

I guess leaving me wanting more is part of the game plan, huh?

Ok, it worked!

Brad Majors
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
2 posted 2003-05-05 03:22 PM


well done!
davidmerriman
Member
since 2003-04-30
Posts 123
Dallas, TX
3 posted 2003-05-05 03:57 PM


i actually liked this, and i didn't think i would. you can picture things breaking away and deterriorating in this poem. i would keep working on it, because it's nice.
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
4 posted 2003-05-05 03:59 PM


Wonderful Joe...
  May we have more....please?
     ~Hugs & Smiles, Nancy~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
5 posted 2003-05-05 04:12 PM


A teaser perhaps?--to whet our thirst for more?  

Warm hugs,
Earth Angel

j-oh-E
Member
since 2003-05-01
Posts 59
Texas, USA
6 posted 2003-05-06 12:24 PM


You all are right, I should add more.  I have a few good ideas too.  Thanks for posting your comments.
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