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fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

0 posted 2003-04-20 03:47 AM

Frozen waters sit above
the embittered pavement,
soft, stagnant, poisoned by
our days of unrest.

Soft jets of steam rise up from
forgotten holes
that lead from lost sewers into
the dying streets.

Somewhere beyond there lies a faint
resigned scream,
and the hurried scrambling of a desperate hastily
escaping killer.

    they talked of this before
      in the papers
    but we never gave a damn.

Your feet grow tired on this
crowded succumbing land
where we fight for scraps of food.

Our hearts grow weary,
and with each passing day
they shudder at the
sound of predator human nature
growing closer to us still.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

arthur
Senior Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 678
england

1 posted 2003-04-20 05:57 AM

that is a bleak world you show us
but you show it well
I can feel it
arthur

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2003-04-20 11:18 AM

Yeah, you know I like this one. Good choice for submission.

I vote.

Parasite

God becomes as
we are that we
may be as he
is
~William Blake

Paragon
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 114

3 posted 2003-04-20 01:31 PM

Good write, grim visage but shown in a very realistic manner. Has my vote.

Steven

Paragon
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 114

4 posted 2003-04-20 01:34 PM

Good write, grim visage but shown in a very realistic manner. Has my vote.

Steven

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

5 posted 2003-04-20 11:49 PM

I've been in that frame of mind from time to time. You've expressed it very well, Kevin.

btw, love your signature line!

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

6 posted 2003-04-21 02:21 PM

very true you write

SPIRIT
Senior Member

since 2002-12-29

Posts 1745
California Desert

7 posted 2003-04-21 02:53 PM

Stark, Dark and Voted.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

8 posted 2003-04-22 09:33 AM

You drew me into that bleak and unpleasant existence with your fine ability to create doom and gloom. You are a very talented writer---but now I need some sunshine to lift my mood! lol

Peace & Light,
EA

MERCURY
Member

since 2003-04-16

Posts 190
Ireland

9 posted 2003-04-25 06:38 AM

Very nice poem indeeedly. Strong and powerful stuff

MERCURY
Member

since 2003-04-16

Posts 190
Ireland

10 posted 2003-04-25 06:39 AM

Very nice poem indeeedly. Strong and powerful stuff

pjtalty
Member

since 2002-07-17

Posts 111
W.A., Australia

11 posted 2003-04-25 10:37 AM

The sights and sounds evoked by your strong imagery are as vivid as though I am viewing a surreal painting of chaos and entropy. I have knocked around the various ridges of existence long enough to be able to appreciate what this poem is all about. Isn't that the way it works: appreciation in direct proportion to one's life experiences? Powerful stuff from (obviously)a keen observer of the world and its inhabitants...and a talented writer. My vote is in!

Patrick Talty

junemac
Senior Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 1005
uk

12 posted 2003-04-25 11:17 AM

bleak , but i liked it, this one really takes you there.
hugs june x

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

13 posted 2003-04-26 12:09 PM

good write!

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