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existance (tanka)
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existance (tanka) |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore 
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My dynamic selves force mismatch of life's pieces ditching me in mess I must draw the best fit line to confidently move on |
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| © Copyright 2003 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
I must draw the best fit line!! How concise, I'm going to remember that! Good move, nice tanka~ *applause* |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
This is a nice tanka, however I would have preferred to see an 'a' before mess like in a mess and before mismatch. This is the reason why I don't do many tankas myself, because I teach the English langauge and squeezing articles out of a line so it fits the prescribed format is not where I am right now. This is just my opinion..I think it deserves a click  [This message has been edited by ecrivan (04-05-2003 11:10 PM).] |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Cool write, dark, write. Hope it gets in! 2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
OK. Joyce |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
nice tanka  Charisma |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
Nice |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Or perhaps allow yourself to draw far outside those lines? You seem to be doing fine, my human friend.  |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
kaile, I have read your piece here with interest but find it difficult to understand, there seems to be words missing that would make it better, thanks for sharing, I have just written a little one myself on what I believe yours to mean, I hope you don't mind. Sincerely Rick The people I am Create problems in living Producing a mess I must find an easy path Then with confidence move on |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I believe that I understand where you are coming from with this write, my multi-faceted poetic friend! Love & Light, Linda |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Very well done Kaile! ~Hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Wise words, Kaile...  |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
"force mismatch of life's pieces" What a kewl line! And well done on the whole. When you think you have heard it all, |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
thank you everyone for your fine comments, especially Martin and Rick who took the time to critique Martin, guilty as charged! yup, i'm one of those who drop articles to fit into the syllable count...thanks for the reminder..i'll try to strike a balance between syllable count and sentence continuity when I write my tankas in the future...  Rick, of course i don't mind...it's cool to read someone else's interpretation of your work...hmmm, what i meant by "best fit line" is choosing the most suitable path...perhaps i should change this line to make its meaning clearer but "the best fit line" is the basis on which this tanka is built upon. and plus, i'm quite partial to it myself.. thanks for reading and i hope my explanation makes things a bit clearer |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (sigh) Oh Heng, this is a wonderful attitude to have, sweet friend. keep believing in existance and piece together one by one! (big hugggsssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kaile, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
I enjoy your writing a lot Kaile and this is no exception. Have voted yes! Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Kaile, you know that I love all these different forms of poetry. This is one I don't know the basics of. I'll have to look for the rules and try it. I'm voting, of course...  Hugs, Ethel |
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Sunkissed Senior Member
since 2002-12-03
Posts 610 |
Cleverly written, Kaile. Enjoyed! Sunkissed. |
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
Interesting and vote worthy. |
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waldopepper Member
since 2003-03-18
Posts 157Tennessee, USA |
And if you do fall down, then you certainly pick yourself up quite well my friend. Our many "selves" can make things complicated sometimes, but also very interesting. Very nice kaile. |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
Nice Kaile, you say a lot with just a few words. Good luck!! mysticpoe |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Life is full of paths we must choose and in the end, we must choose the ones that we can live in while walking them. Adjustments are just a part of all that. Wonderful words and wise ones to consider. I hope I read it correctly and at least you have given us something to dwell on. I have never attempted a Tanka as I am sort of long winded lol but admire those that can. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I enjoyed the read... |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
well done. . . you have learned to say a lot in a few words my friend. . . gets my vote. . . ----------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
kaile, nice to get a reply on my reply, I do understand now your meaning and know what you mean by liking the line, I so often have people question, it is all in the building of better, I will be back and read more. Sincerely Rick |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
kaile, nice to get a reply on my reply, I do understand now your meaning and know what you mean by liking the line, I so often have people question, it is all in the building of better, I will be back and read more. Sincerely Rick |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I like this very much. Capitally done. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
A great tanka to ponder and why words indeed. There are so many lines to follow, that is the journey. Enjoyed this very much. |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
BUMP & VOTE |
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QjQ Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756U.S.A. |
"to confidently move on" i liked this line it gives a positive |
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