Accident of birth


By Peter J Marcroft

Unwanted, that was my fate,
Dragged to life from the womb,
I was to be cancelled, far too late,
Now my life is as dark as a tomb

How can you do this to your own?
Tell them that they should not be,
Your child should be loved not left alone,
The first sight should be filled with glee

Yet as I lie in my cardboard box,
Unable to talk but able to think,
Forever at the mercy of a ravenous fox,
Desperate thirst makes me crave drink

I am taken, by some who are old,
Into a silent place of rest,
“We will care for you.” I am forever told,
But I am sceptical and shall put them to the test

For years I am endured, their care great,
Graceful hands, wash my dirty skin,
I am forced to be here, forever facing the wait
Until I see her, who cast me aside like sin

For ten years I suffer, my new parents slowing,
Unable to run with me I play alone,
Their movement’s shrinking and disease growing,
Forces me to face the unknown

Five years on and I leave them behind,
Moving on with my own life,
Searching, for my true mother, her I will find,
Even if it means bearing great strife

Corner to corner, I seek her,
Chasing dead numbers and forgotten homes,
In the raining alleys I cry out, “Mother”
But my pleas are ignored like ancient tomes

It took me fifteen years until at last we met,
In a café in Paris she sat laughing,
I matched her face to the picture wet,
Dripping from the tears I was shedding

As I appeared a silence fell,
Crushing the noise like a heavy weight,
Our faces were hostile, as dark as the bottom of a well,
Her arrogance inspires within me, great hate

“How can I help you young boy?”
She asks in a tone dismissive,
Treats me like a forgotten toy,
Her manner totally passive

“I am the child you never had, thirty years ago.”
Gasps fill the air, at this revelation,
“How dare you! I want you to go.”
“Why? Afraid you’ll lose admiration?

From those you call friends at this table?”
I have caught her out, she mumbles,
Memories flow back like a child’s fable,
And her stone defence weakens and crumbles

“You do not know the pain I felt
I am so happy that you did survive,
It took all my courage to wrap you in felt
And leave you on that doorstep alive.

I was only nineteen and you were a mistake,
All the young girls committed my sin,
After lots of drink, love we’d make,
As a result, a new life would begin.

I struggled to look after you,
I toiled day and night,
Counting all the monies few,
And giving you food with delight

Please forgive me child, I never meant to hurt,
But the past is dead like your father,
Move on, find a family to start,
I know that you, would be a wonderful father.”

“You don’t understand what you have done,
You think I can forgive and forget?
Ignore the life that you did shun,
Is that the way my parents met?

Were you like me mother?
Forgotten and alone?
Did I even have a brother?
All I know is my life’s my own,

I should never have found you,
I was happy before, now I am sad,
Rot in hell and burn too,
For you see, life is not, a mere fad

I’ll leave you now, in this circle
Of friends that seem so far above
The life, you left behind, as a social miracle,
The one’s who stole, the mother’s love

They are ravens, scavenging on the weak,
Their actions like the filthy leech,
You too, are unable to speak,
That is no surprise, when your company can only screech

Obscene words about the classless,
People who can only afford rags,
But with them I had love’s caress,
But here there are only hags.

So it is time for me to leave you,
Here in the company of hags' mirth,
I’ll love and sire life too,
But the child shall be, no accident of birth.”