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Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2003-02-20 06:13 PM

Man of words.

A wizard of expression,
A wizard of expression,
Casting the spells of love,
Casting the spells of love,
Love of a casting wizard,
The expression of spells,

Wishing words of magic,
Wishing words of magic,
The illusion in your eyes,
The illusion in your eyes,
Illusion of your words,
Magic in the wishing eyes,

Bound within your tears,
Bound within your tears,
Torment of the soul,
Torment of the soul,
Bound within the soul,
Tears of your torment,

Bound within the soul,
Words of your love spells,
Expression of your magic,
Casting tears of torment,
The Illusion of a wizard,
In the wishing eyes.

I'm not sure if this is the right peice for a book or if it is any good at all, so I'd really like some feedback, anything at all would be great, though I have quickly proof read it, there still might be something wrong, any suggestions would be most graciously recieved.

Andrew.

My Violent Bedtime Stories

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

1 posted 2003-02-20 06:19 PM

(smiles) Yay!!! Oh my gosh, yes, yes, this is perfect for the book, I LOVE IT!!! (big hugggsssssss) You truly are a wizard of words and that is the beauty of Reflections, so you can look deep into the poets heart and see all the beautiful images one can create, and you, my friend, have done so wonderfully here, only convincing us more with the determined repetition in twinned lines! (gives you standing ovation) You are wonderful, sweet friend, you have my enthusiastic vote, BRAVO, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Andrew, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

[This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (02-20-2003 06:19 PM).]

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

2 posted 2003-02-20 06:22 PM

I loved it. So it gets my vote.

Cold hands means a warm heart

Justbleu
Member Elite

since 1999-08-31

Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)

3 posted 2003-02-20 06:24 PM

I'm casting my vote....it has a building intensity in the sound of the poem as I read it. It kind of goes hand in hand with the casting of the spell for me. It's unique and cool....I don't know what this style of poetry is but, it looks a little familiar to me. I can see the wizard moving his hands about as the intensity builds. Enjoyed!!!

Bridgette

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

4 posted 2003-02-21 12:00 PM

This is unique! I voted for you.

~Every girl has a dream within.

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

5 posted 2003-02-21 02:32 AM

Dude! Not sure if this is good?!?!?! This is a paradelle, if I'm not mistaken, and a dang good one. I did find that your repetition of the line "Bound within the soul," did detract from the poem's artistic beauty. However, I find this piece to be a feat of poetic talent nonetheless. I hope this does get into the book if only to set higher standards and challenges for readers both here and abroad.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

6 posted 2003-02-21 04:02 AM

nicely done...

Regards,
Sudhir

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

7 posted 2003-02-21 04:23 AM

enjoyed it a lot

Charisma

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

8 posted 2003-02-21 01:13 PM

Like the style
and the message.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

9 posted 2003-02-23 02:18 PM

We sure do need examples of perfect poetry and your paradelle is a shining example.

~* Carpe' Diem *~

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

10 posted 2003-02-23 03:29 PM

I think it's great for the book!

Chanson
Senior Member

since 2000-08-19

Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle

11 posted 2003-02-23 03:32 PM

It's an unusual form
and the very reason why
I like it, Andrew. *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

12 posted 2003-02-23 04:37 PM

A paradelle for the book!
~Hugs~

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

13 posted 2003-02-24 07:33 AM

I never could write a paradelle. You did great!

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

14 posted 2003-02-24 10:30 AM

seriously? This rocks. What are the rules for this and what's it called? Very cool style...

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

15 posted 2003-02-24 10:40 AM

Andrew...great formatting

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

16 posted 2003-02-25 08:06 AM

Andrew - This is a great paradelle... This is perhaps one of the most difficult formats to write effectively - You've done a great job - and you get my vote...

Angel
Senior Member

since 1999-07-02

Posts 551
Pennsylvania

17 posted 2003-03-02 01:47 AM

You always weave such a beautiful picture with you words. This gets my vote.

ecrivan
Member Elite

since 2001-12-10

Posts 3923
my own state

18 posted 2003-03-02 02:01 AM

much enjoyed;0

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

19 posted 2003-03-16 10:13 AM

I like the magical feel to this one.

"Love makes the world go around"
~with love and hugs from Ethel__GG~

SPIRIT
Senior Member

since 2002-12-29

Posts 1745
California Desert

20 posted 2003-03-16 10:23 AM

Whatever it is it's likeable and voteable and I'm happy to vote for it.

SimplyGold
Senior Member

since 2002-07-10

Posts 1453

21 posted 2003-03-16 11:56 AM

Enjoyed this, different.

SG

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

22 posted 2003-03-16 02:15 PM

This was interesting...I'm not really much for paradelles, but that didn't make this any less good. Hope to see it in the book.

Elizabeth

It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got...
--Sheryl Crow

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

23 posted 2003-03-18 09:56 AM

I was captivated, and intrigued, by this write. I felt like I was being swept into a funnel of magical happenings--and the last stanza was the perfect denouement!

Warm hugs,
Earth Angel

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

24 posted 2003-03-19 05:17 AM

Ah yes..I remember this one, and I like it just
as much as I did the first time I read it.
Wonderful paradelle, Andrew.
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

25 posted 2003-03-20 12:08 PM

Very nicely done, it gets my vote

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

26 posted 2003-03-20 03:25 AM

Thank you for all the replies and votes

Thomas119gold
Senior Member

since 2002-06-03

Posts 708
Biloxi, MS (city by the sea)

27 posted 2003-03-21 07:47 PM

vote me in

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