In this time you call unfortunate

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Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

0 posted 2003-02-18 11:44 PM

In this time you call unfortunate

How is it I see the sun within your armour?
Even when it plays the clever night behind
your spray of lashes
all taciturn:

In my waiting to receive you, I am fragile.
I break under the new moon in whispered sleep
chasing away the things you fear
in this time you call unfortunate:
I am weak between shadows and space,
and the days collapse around me louder than your voice.

I am no longer a smile of something beautiful
but a ridiculous clown with tangled feet;
two steps back of sawdust; rimmed.
This skin which holds me stubborn murders me.
My mouth is full with defeat as you gallop
and make distance from my breast.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

1 posted 2003-02-18 11:50 PM

"I am weak between shadows and space,
and the days collapse around me louder than your voice."

Maree...you weak? Never

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

2 posted 2003-02-18 11:52 PM

How is it I see the sun within your armour?
Even when it plays the clever night behind
your spray of lashes
all taciturn:

In my waiting to receive you, I am fragile.
I break under the new moon in whispered sleep
chasing away the things you fear
in this time you call unfortunate:
I am weak between shadows and space,
and the days collapse around me louder than your voice.

==================================

I just love this poem...the imagery and personifications are unique and refreshing.
The emotions are expressed such that I feel the longing and confusion of the heart.
Ive said before...the word cliche is never gonna be used around your poetry.
very cool write Maree.

" ... And think not, that you can direct the course of love ...
if it finds you worthy ... it then directs your course."

K.Gibran

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

3 posted 2003-02-18 11:53 PM

This is an awesome write.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

4 posted 2003-02-18 11:54 PM

(big hugggssssssss) Oh Maree, I beg to differ, you are not fragile but rather a compassionate, strong, and destined person with a heart of gold casted in iron! (sigh) So let yourself go forward and fend off the unfortunate side effects, God Bless You, you have my vote, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Maree, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

5 posted 2003-02-19 12:57 PM

You are a very good writer. I like the way you put this together........

"Love makes the world go around"
~with love and hugs from Ethel GG~

christian
Member

since 2002-12-18

Posts 331

6 posted 2003-02-19 01:00 AM

I am no longer a smile of something
beautiful
but a ridiculous clown with tangled feet;
two steps back of sawdust; rimmed.

--

damn. just, damn.

you get my vote.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 2003-02-19 04:43 PM

Absolutely....

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

8 posted 2003-02-19 04:52 PM

I like the stumbling here.

Lighthousebob
Member Elite

since 2000-06-14

Posts 4725
California

9 posted 2003-02-19 07:14 PM

You have such a unique way of mixing words here to give objects that are usually silent voice ...I felt the rejection at the conclusion of your poem left me in disdain companionship with your hurt. Very Good expression here for sure.

-Bob

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

10 posted 2003-02-19 08:22 PM

We see far too little of your abundant talent, Marie...this is very good

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

11 posted 2003-02-19 08:39 PM

You are very talented. I loved some of the lines in here. They were so powerful.

--Elizabeth

You can sit there and forgive someone until the cows come home, and it won't make a bit of difference until they forgive themselves.

Justbleu
Member Elite

since 1999-08-31

Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)

12 posted 2003-02-19 08:52 PM

Dark Angel...this is great!!!!

Bridgette

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

13 posted 2003-02-20 01:00 AM

Maree~
This is wonderful.
I agree with 'Deer...we don't see nearly
enough of your work these days.
I'm so glad you posted this one.
Hugs,
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

14 posted 2003-02-20 01:11 AM

Sweet Poets, thank you all so very much for your lovely comments, compliments and your support.

Maree

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

15 posted 2003-02-20 08:30 AM

I am no longer a smile of something beautiful
but a ridiculous clown with tangled feet;
two steps back of sawdust; rimmed.
This skin which holds me stubborn murders me.
My mouth is full with defeat as you gallop
and make distance from my breast.

yes... enjoyed this a great deal I did...

Moonlight Romeo

Senior Member

since 2001-09-10

Posts 982
The heart of you

16 posted 2003-02-20 10:06 AM

A bit sad, I feel. But, there is always more.

Thank you.

What light through yon window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

17 posted 2003-02-20 03:18 PM

lovely work.... much enjoyed...

regards,
sudhir

Chanson
Senior Member

since 2000-08-19

Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle

18 posted 2003-02-20 03:48 PM

Nice work. *s

RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

19 posted 2003-02-20 05:04 PM

A filament of hope, a strand of longing. An appreciated free verse.

Jamie
Member Elite

since 2000-06-26

Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

20 posted 2003-02-21 03:27 PM

I remember this one dear-- a wonderful choice for the book.

As someone else once said- Masterful.

J

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

21 posted 2003-02-21 04:05 PM

Beautifully penned!

Charisma

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

22 posted 2003-02-22 01:29 AM

I can't recall EVER reading something by you that wasn't wonderfully penned.

Love ya Luscious.

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

23 posted 2003-02-22 01:33 AM

Dark Angel - I like this writing and it should be voted in...

BC

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

24 posted 2003-02-22 01:49 AM

Maree, everyone said what I would say about this. I am also glad to see you around a bit more lately.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

25 posted 2003-02-22 04:21 PM

Maree..you already know how much I like this poem...I do. Voting!

dgvarner
Member Elite

since 2000-05-13

Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida

26 posted 2003-02-23 02:41 PM

interesting read...

enjoyed..

hugs, g

"laughter is the shortest distance between two people" - victor borge

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

27 posted 2003-02-23 06:11 PM

Excellent, Maree! Count my vote!

Jamie
Member Elite

since 2000-06-26

Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

28 posted 2003-02-28 03:25 PM

I think some people may have missed the chance to see this one the first time around- and we can't have that

J

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

29 posted 2003-02-28 06:09 PM

WOW!! This one has my vote!

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

30 posted 2003-02-28 10:31 PM

Brilliant writing, as usual

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

31 posted 2003-03-03 10:05 AM

Wow - girlie, love this. (I don't think there's anything that you write that I don't like)

Really enjoyed the imagery and textures, and the way this rolls around in my head and pulls at my throat. Very cool.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

32 posted 2003-03-05 07:47 AM

This must have slipped beneath my gaze.
But then? I've not been around much.

Ed

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

33 posted 2003-03-05 09:35 AM

Maree...you don't grace us with your presence far often enough

~ Ruth

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

34 posted 2003-03-05 11:46 AM

Dark Angel
You got me on this one.

JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

35 posted 2003-03-05 01:18 PM

well done!

Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
Nil Desperandum, Fata viem invenient

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

36 posted 2003-03-14 04:38 PM

I loved the title... and the poem lived up to it! *S* You've got my vote. *S*

SimplyGold
Senior Member

since 2002-07-10

Posts 1453

37 posted 2003-03-14 07:33 PM

Wow, the imagery is excellent. Very unique writing. Good read.

SG

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

38 posted 2003-03-15 03:05 AM

What amazing talent you have, and I especially loved how these lines made me "feel" a memory of my own.
I am weak between shadows and space,
and the days collapse around me louder than your voice.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Aretha Franklin

Street Heart
Member

since 2002-09-05

Posts 349
Pennsylvania,USA

39 posted 2003-03-21 12:33 PM

Wow,Maree...this is so unique! You most certainly have your own eloquent style.I sense deep layers in there bespeaking regret and pain.Girl,you know I relate there

.You know you don't have to ask if I voted

I hope you are doing well during these difficult days.Pray with me for our guys and girls out there in that strange land.

Peace,my Dark Angel,Geoffrey

P.S.What's wrong with this picture? There's no voting box?! Please fix this,Maree!

If a man has not discovered something he is willing to die for,his life is not worth living.

Martin Luther King,Jr. Detroit,1963

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

40 posted 2003-03-21 12:42 PM

Beautiful writing, Maree!!!!!

The title is very striking and compliments the poem perfectly

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

41 posted 2003-03-21 10:02 AM

A wonderful write Maree, simply splendid.

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

42 posted 2003-03-22 09:32 PM

quote:
I am weak between shadows and space

awwww the many times I have been there and felt that!
Lauren~

I close my eyes and there in the shadows I see your light
You come to me out of my dreams
Across the night

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