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In this time you call unfortunate
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In this time you call unfortunate |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
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In this time you call unfortunate How is it I see the sun within your armour? Even when it plays the clever night behind your spray of lashes all taciturn: In my waiting to receive you, I am fragile. I break under the new moon in whispered sleep chasing away the things you fear in this time you call unfortunate: I am weak between shadows and space, and the days collapse around me louder than your voice. I am no longer a smile of something beautiful but a ridiculous clown with tangled feet; two steps back of sawdust; rimmed. This skin which holds me stubborn murders me. My mouth is full with defeat as you gallop and make distance from my breast. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
"I am weak between shadows and space, and the days collapse around me louder than your voice." Maree...you weak? Never  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
How is it I see the sun within your armour? Even when it plays the clever night behind your spray of lashes all taciturn: In my waiting to receive you, I am fragile. I break under the new moon in whispered sleep chasing away the things you fear in this time you call unfortunate: I am weak between shadows and space, and the days collapse around me louder than your voice. ================================== I just love this poem...the imagery and personifications are unique and refreshing. The emotions are expressed such that I feel the longing and confusion of the heart. Ive said before...the word cliche is never gonna be used around your poetry. very cool write Maree. " ... And think not, that you can direct the course of love ... |
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
This is an awesome write. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssssss) Oh Maree, I beg to differ, you are not fragile but rather a compassionate, strong, and destined person with a heart of gold casted in iron! (sigh) So let yourself go forward and fend off the unfortunate side effects, God Bless You, you have my vote, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Maree, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
You are a very good writer. I like the way you put this together........ "Love makes the world go around" |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
I am no longer a smile of something beautiful but a ridiculous clown with tangled feet; two steps back of sawdust; rimmed. -- damn. just, damn. you get my vote. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Absolutely.... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I like the stumbling here. |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
You have such a unique way of mixing words here to give objects that are usually silent voice ...I felt the rejection at the conclusion of your poem left me in disdain companionship with your hurt. Very Good expression here for sure. -Bob |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
We see far too little of your abundant talent, Marie...this is very good  |
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skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
You are very talented. I loved some of the lines in here. They were so powerful.  --Elizabeth You can sit there and forgive someone until the cows come home, and it won't make a bit of difference until they forgive themselves. |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
Dark Angel...this is great!!!! Bridgette |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Maree~ This is wonderful. I agree with 'Deer...we don't see nearly enough of your work these days. I'm so glad you posted this one. Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Sweet Poets, thank you all so very much for your lovely comments, compliments and your support. Maree |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I am no longer a smile of something beautiful but a ridiculous clown with tangled feet; two steps back of sawdust; rimmed. This skin which holds me stubborn murders me. My mouth is full with defeat as you gallop and make distance from my breast. yes... enjoyed this a great deal I did... |
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Moonlight Romeo
since 2001-09-10
Posts 982The heart of you |
A bit sad, I feel. But, there is always more. Thank you. What light through yon window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
lovely work.... much enjoyed... regards, sudhir |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
Nice work. *s |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
A filament of hope, a strand of longing. An appreciated free verse. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I remember this one dear-- a wonderful choice for the book. As someone else once said- Masterful. JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
Beautifully penned! Charisma |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I can't recall EVER reading something by you that wasn't wonderfully penned. Love ya Luscious.  |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Dark Angel - I like this writing and it should be voted in... BC |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Maree, everyone said what I would say about this. I am also glad to see you around a bit more lately.  |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Maree..you already know how much I like this poem...I do. Voting!  |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
interesting read... enjoyed.. hugs, g "laughter is the shortest distance between two people" - victor borge |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Excellent, Maree! Count my vote! |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I think some people may have missed the chance to see this one the first time around- and we can't have that JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
WOW!! This one has my vote! |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Brilliant writing, as usual |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Wow - girlie, love this. (I don't think there's anything that you write that I don't like) Really enjoyed the imagery and textures, and the way this rolls around in my head and pulls at my throat. Very cool. |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
This must have slipped beneath my gaze. But then? I've not been around much. Ed |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Maree...you don't grace us with your presence far often enough ~ Ruth |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Dark Angel You got me on this one. |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
well done! Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I loved the title... and the poem lived up to it! *S* You've got my vote. *S* |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
Wow, the imagery is excellent. Very unique writing. Good read. SG |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
What amazing talent you have, and I especially loved how these lines made me "feel" a memory of my own. I am weak between shadows and space, and the days collapse around me louder than your voice. |
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Street Heart Member
since 2002-09-05
Posts 349Pennsylvania,USA |
Wow,Maree...this is so unique! You most certainly have your own eloquent style.I sense deep layers in there bespeaking regret and pain.Girl,you know I relate there .You know you don't have to ask if I voted I hope you are doing well during these difficult days.Pray with me for our guys and girls out there in that strange land. Peace,my Dark Angel,Geoffrey P.S.What's wrong with this picture? There's no voting box?! Please fix this,Maree! If a man has not discovered something he is willing to die for,his life is not worth living. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Beautiful writing, Maree!!!!! The title is very striking and compliments the poem perfectly  |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
A wonderful write Maree, simply splendid. |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
quote: awwww the many times I have been there and felt that! Lauren~ I close my eyes and there in the shadows I see your light |
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