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The Children of Nobility (villanelle)
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The Children of Nobility (villanelle) |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg 
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Fret not, sweet child of these enchanted waves Your sleep will end abruptly, and in peace While infant valour decorates your graves My lust is not your solitaire conclaves Nor studded golden lining of your fleece Fret not, sweet child of these enchanted waves My hand will soothe your nightmares as my slaves To march into procession of release While infant valour decorates your graves So ill, the road before you slowly paves Too bleak, you speak, while your convulsions cease Fret not, sweet child of these enchanted waves A worthy end of virtue, death depraves The ocean waters thick, that stick like grease While infant valour decorates your graves The spectre death who echoes in the caves Is dripping slowly t'wards us, piece by piece Fret not, sweet child of these enchanted waves While infant valour decorates your graves. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Superbly done! This form gives such a unique feel to the written word--I like the sound of them when read out loud as well. May you enjoy the coming evening! EA |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I've not the priveledge of reading vey much of your work since you've come aboard, but let me tell you this, what I've read today of your work leaves me very impressed  You're a talented poet and your knack for rhythm and rhyme are wonderfully accurate I've written from this style before and it's not easy to make it work the way you have here. Keep up the good work and I'm looking forward to reading more |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
This poem always gives me a rush of memories. You wrote this well brian, I always enjoy reading your villanelles. You seem to do them with such ease. *hug* You've got my vote Brian. quote: “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
This is a flawless villanelle....perfect structure and not one syllable out of place. Bravo!  |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 BRAVO!!! Oh Brian, we are all ever fortunate to grace the marvelous words you share with us all, villanelles are one of my favorite forms and are not easy to accomplish, but you have formed an outstanding epitome of its form with the compassion and nobility of your soul, I LOVE IT!!! (big hugggssssss) I happily place my vote for you, yay, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Brian, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." Shakira [This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (02-18-2003 07:42 PM).] |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
You do justice to the villanelle, LP. While it certainly rhymes you have achieved the skill of writing it so it doesn't read like a predicted rhyme scheme. I am impressed. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Brian, although I don't know the forms and technical terms of poetry, I do know when it sounds good. This one is perfect. It sounds good read aloud or silently. I love it...  Hugs, Ethel [This message has been edited by garysgirl (02-18-2003 08:25 PM).] |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Excellent villanelle, Brian. I enjoyed reading this. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Bravo! This is a hard to pull off and still sound like it flows..you did a GREAT job!  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
The spectre death who echoes in the caves Is dripping slowly t'wards us, piece by piece Fret not, sweet child of these enchanted waves While infant valour decorates your graves. =================================== Ya know what Im grateful for, besides that I get to read your poetry? ... that I didnt have to pick which ones of yours to submit...so much excellence of rhyme and verse would make the choice impossible for a mere mortal moth  " ... And think not, that you can direct the course of love ... |
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dhicks03 Member
since 2002-12-26
Posts 267Missouri,USA |
This was simply awesome! Gets my vote!! |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
I like vilanelles when they are well done and this is very well done. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Moonlight Romeo
since 2001-09-10
Posts 982The heart of you |
From one writer of villanelles to another, this is perfect in form and in structure. Well done. Thank you. What light through yon window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Perfect is as perfect does... |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Brian- you allways scare me. That was just amaizing. the Wind is invisible. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I'm impressed. *S* And I'm voting. *G* |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
A superb villanelle. Bravo! |
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Magicmystery Senior Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 821Windsor, Ontario, Canada |
This gave me chills.... very well done!!! Sherry Cherish the good memories of the past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. But above all... be kind to yourself today. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
you are a FREAK!  The ocean waters thick, that stick like grease Congratulations! It's a bisexual! |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
I just love villanelle's this one is no exception, it is so wonderfully written, I hope that it gets into the book |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
YES! Perfect! Fantastic! A must for the book! ~Hugs~ ~ Trace my body with your words.. |
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Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
Well done!and of course,my vote! Jason |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Now here you are in perfect poetic form and a definite for the book here for sure. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
This poem flows well. You've integrated the repetition of lines well into the rest of the poem - a difficult obstacle when writing villanelle. It gets my vote. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
Excellent penned!! Charisma |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Was the shift in meter three lines from the bottom intentional? If so, it was very cleverly placed ... gave the line a "dripping" effect. Excellently done. Jim |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
I admire your valour here, my poet friend, to post a Villanelle for submission to the book... I must contend that this requires a vote if only for confidence and for guts. After my other two poems swim around a bit, I might post one just to ease my tension a bit... Anyway, as earlier stated, your Villanelle gets my vote. -Bob |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
I remember this one well.. I enjoyed it a lot.. I remember how you taught me to do these, but I could never write one like this. Great submission! Oh, make me Thine forever |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
"The spectre death who echoes in the caves Is dripping slowly t'wards us, piece by piece Fret not, sweet child of these enchanted waves While infant valour decorates your graves." Wonderful! and I like the new pic too *s M ( you have my vote) |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I can't do one of these villanelle's and I think they are the coolest...this one reads so sad...like someone is dying....aside from the sad, it's great |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Simply beautiful. In awe of your talent and hard work. Would like to hear this read aloud. Enjoyed, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Well done. I have a difficult time writing in this form, so I appreciate the skill of those who can. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Now LP... You KNOW I'm ALWAYS gonna have to vote for a piece as well formatted and structured as this...'Tis a darned good villanelle...  |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Remarkable penning.... Regards, Sudhir |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
I can't tell you how much I love this Villanelle. I only wish I could write one as superbly as you have done. you've certainly got my vote LP. Maree |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Local Parasite - excellent writing, enjoyed the read... BC |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
You get my vote, Brian. Wonderful job... "Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
I am breathless An exquisite villanelle You make it look so easy, but it is not BRAVO, dear poet LIz |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
My hats off to you sir.....Nice work... Lauren~ Take me where the tides start |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Somebody told me to keep an eye out for your stuff -- now I know why. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Terrific writing PoetFriend... *~coco~* |
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