The Children of Nobility (villanelle)

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Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

0 posted 2003-02-18 06:09 PM

Fret not, sweet child of these enchanted waves
Your sleep will end abruptly, and in peace
While infant valour decorates your graves

My lust is not your solitaire conclaves
Nor studded golden lining of your fleece
Fret not, sweet child of these enchanted waves

My hand will soothe your nightmares as my slaves
To march into procession of release
While infant valour decorates your graves

So ill, the road before you slowly paves
Too bleak, you speak, while your convulsions cease
Fret not, sweet child of these enchanted waves

A worthy end of virtue, death depraves
The ocean waters thick, that stick like grease
While infant valour decorates your graves

The spectre death who echoes in the caves
Is dripping slowly t'wards us, piece by piece
Fret not, sweet child of these enchanted waves
While infant valour decorates your graves.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

1 posted 2003-02-18 06:17 PM

Superbly done! This form gives such a unique feel to the written word--I like the sound of them when read out loud as well.

May you enjoy the coming evening!

EA

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

2 posted 2003-02-18 06:43 PM

I've not the priveledge of reading vey much of your work since you've come aboard, but let me tell you this, what I've read today of your work leaves me very impressed

You're a talented poet and your knack for rhythm and rhyme are wonderfully accurate

I've written from this style before and it's not easy to make it work the way you have here. Keep up the good work and I'm looking forward to reading more

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

3 posted 2003-02-18 07:13 PM

This poem always gives me a rush of memories. You wrote this well brian, I always enjoy reading your villanelles. You seem to do them with such ease. *hug* You've got my vote Brian.

quote:
My hand will soothe your nightmares as my slaves
To march into procession of release
While infant valour decorates your graves

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”
"You can't fight the tears that aren't coming.."

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

4 posted 2003-02-18 07:26 PM

This is a flawless villanelle....perfect structure and not one syllable out of place. Bravo!

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

5 posted 2003-02-18 07:41 PM

BRAVO!!! Oh Brian, we are all ever fortunate to grace the marvelous words you share with us all, villanelles are one of my favorite forms and are not easy to accomplish, but you have formed an outstanding epitome of its form with the compassion and nobility of your soul, I LOVE IT!!! (big hugggssssss) I happily place my vote for you, yay, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Brian, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

[This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (02-18-2003 07:42 PM).]

Chanson
Senior Member

since 2000-08-19

Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle

6 posted 2003-02-18 07:49 PM

You do justice to the villanelle, LP.
While it certainly rhymes you have
achieved the skill of writing it so
it doesn't read like a predicted rhyme
scheme. I am impressed.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

7 posted 2003-02-18 08:24 PM

Brian, although I don't know the forms and technical terms of poetry, I do know when it sounds good. This one is perfect. It sounds good read aloud or silently. I love it...

Hugs,
Ethel

[This message has been edited by garysgirl (02-18-2003 08:25 PM).]

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

8 posted 2003-02-18 08:33 PM

Excellent villanelle, Brian.
I enjoyed reading this.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

9 posted 2003-02-18 09:31 PM

Bravo! This is a hard to pull off and still sound like it flows..you did a GREAT job!

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

10 posted 2003-02-19 12:15 PM

The spectre death who echoes in the caves
Is dripping slowly t'wards us, piece by piece
Fret not, sweet child of these enchanted waves
While infant valour decorates your graves.
===================================

Ya know what Im grateful for, besides that I get to read your poetry? ...
that I didnt have to pick which ones of yours to submit...so much excellence of rhyme and verse would make the choice impossible for a mere mortal moth

" ... And think not, that you can direct the course of love ...
if it finds you worthy ... it then directs your course."

K.Gibran

dhicks03
Member

since 2002-12-26

Posts 267
Missouri,USA

11 posted 2003-02-19 05:34 AM

This was simply awesome! Gets my vote!!

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

12 posted 2003-02-19 05:46 AM

I like vilanelles when they are well done and this is very well done.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

Moonlight Romeo

Senior Member

since 2001-09-10

Posts 982
The heart of you

13 posted 2003-02-19 09:35 AM

From one writer of villanelles to another, this is perfect in form and in structure.

Well done. Thank you.

What light through yon window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

14 posted 2003-02-19 09:46 AM

Perfect is as perfect does...

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

15 posted 2003-02-19 10:02 AM

Brian-

you allways scare me. That was just amaizing.

the Wind is invisible.
remeber me

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

16 posted 2003-02-19 04:51 PM

I'm impressed. *S*

And I'm voting. *G*

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

17 posted 2003-02-19 04:57 PM

A superb villanelle. Bravo!

Magicmystery
Senior Member

since 2002-02-13

Posts 821
Windsor, Ontario, Canada

18 posted 2003-02-20 09:03 AM

This gave me chills.... very well done!!!

Sherry

Cherish the good memories of the past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. But above all... be kind to yourself today.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

19 posted 2003-02-20 06:17 PM

you are a FREAK!

The ocean waters thick, that stick like grease

Congratulations! It's a bisexual!

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

20 posted 2003-02-20 06:21 PM

I just love villanelle's this one is no exception, it is so wonderfully written, I hope that it gets into the book

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

21 posted 2003-02-20 06:24 PM

YES! Perfect! Fantastic!
A must for the book!
~Hugs~

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

Jason Lyle
Senior Member

since 2003-02-07

Posts 1438
With my darkling

22 posted 2003-02-20 08:42 PM

Well done!and of course,my vote!
Jason

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

23 posted 2003-02-21 12:50 PM

Now here you are in perfect poetic form and a definite for the book here for sure.

~* Carpe' Diem *~

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

24 posted 2003-02-21 02:38 AM

This poem flows well. You've integrated the repetition of lines well into the rest of the poem - a difficult obstacle when writing villanelle. It gets my vote.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

25 posted 2003-02-21 03:58 AM

Excellent penned!!

Charisma

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

26 posted 2003-02-21 02:49 PM

Was the shift in meter three lines from the bottom intentional? If so, it was very cleverly placed ... gave the line a "dripping" effect.

Excellently done.

Jim

Lighthousebob
Member Elite

since 2000-06-14

Posts 4725
California

27 posted 2003-02-21 05:00 PM

I admire your valour here, my poet friend, to post a Villanelle for submission to the book... I must contend that this requires a vote if only for confidence and for guts. After my other two poems swim around a bit, I might post one just to ease my tension a bit... Anyway, as earlier stated, your Villanelle gets my vote.

-Bob

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

28 posted 2003-02-21 06:06 PM

I remember this one well.. I enjoyed it a lot.. I remember how you taught me to do these, but I could never write one like this. Great submission!

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

29 posted 2003-02-21 08:10 PM

"The spectre death who echoes in the caves
Is dripping slowly t'wards us, piece by piece
Fret not, sweet child of these enchanted waves
While infant valour decorates your graves."

Wonderful! and I like the new pic too *s
M ( you have my vote)

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

30 posted 2003-02-22 01:53 AM

I can't do one of these villanelle's and I think they are the coolest...this one reads so sad...like someone is dying....aside from the sad, it's great

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

31 posted 2003-02-24 08:33 AM

Simply beautiful. In awe of your talent and hard work. Would like to hear this read aloud.

Enjoyed, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

32 posted 2003-02-24 09:40 AM

Well done. I have a difficult time writing in this form, so I appreciate the skill of those who can.

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

33 posted 2003-02-24 01:14 PM

Now LP... You KNOW I'm ALWAYS gonna have to vote for a piece as well formatted and structured as this...'Tis a darned good villanelle...

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

34 posted 2003-02-25 03:12 PM

Remarkable penning....

Regards,
Sudhir

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

35 posted 2003-02-26 03:46 PM

I can't tell you how much I love this Villanelle. I only wish I could write one as superbly as you have done.

you've certainly got my vote LP.

Maree

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

36 posted 2003-02-26 04:24 PM

Local Parasite - excellent writing, enjoyed the read...

BC

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

37 posted 2003-02-28 10:05 AM

You get my vote, Brian. Wonderful job...

"Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-11-08

Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

38 posted 2003-02-28 10:12 AM

I am breathless
An exquisite villanelle
You make it look so easy, but it is not
BRAVO, dear poet
LIz

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

39 posted 2003-02-28 10:41 AM

My hats off to you sir.....Nice work...

Lauren~

Take me where the tides start
So I can pull you into me

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

40 posted 2003-03-09 10:29 PM

Somebody told me to keep an eye out for your stuff -- now I know why.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

CocoBaci
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 3043

41 posted 2003-03-28 09:01 PM

Terrific writing PoetFriend...
*~coco~*

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