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Open Poetry #24
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Cloud Burst
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Cloud Burst |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside 
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The rain came slow and steady gathered up in the sky letting go of the clouds ready to burst. Breathing misty sighs of longing almost shy at first as it began to sprinkle until puddles sprang from my eyes made me want to cry and stay inside save for a draft in my heart breezing through an open window in need of repair. My hands are cold without one to hold folded up in my own picking and choosing my words I sit in silence pondering what it is I want to say to make you feel. Listening to the sound of my own voice whispering, that this to shall pass in time without rhythm is pointless; but time is fickle and I've learned to bide mine so that it doesn't get ahead of me or leave me behind. My smile hangs from a broken hinge like a crooked fence with the gate left open baring a passageway that swings both ways beneath an overgrown arbor clinging to a vine that spares me from venturing out to places I don't belong or worse, landing knee deep in a flood of my own making. While the pain collects and runs off with the rain pouring into a lake that rises with all good intentions aware that it may or may not be here when the summer comes again. I hold onto thoughts of the unknown taking simple pleasure in planning a picnic it gives me hope and dreams to look forward to. As the cold wind blows across the miles separating the distance between us I wonder if you felt the draft and how the snowflakes look on you when they fall on your cheeks and the warmth in your eyes that burns from a fire and makes your heart melt~ |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"As the cold wind blows across the miles separating the distance between us I wonder if you felt the draft and how the snowflakes look on you when they fall on your cheeks and the warmth in your eyes that burns from a fire and makes your heart melt~" ============================================ Lori, this is so well done. I especially enjoyed this closing stanza! ~Hugs sweetie~ ~ Season's Greetings to my 'family' at Passions ~ |
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
This is beautifully described Cold hands means a warm heart |
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A Tone of Voice Member
since 2001-07-18
Posts 287 |
My smile hangs from a broken hinge like a crooked fence with the gate left open One thing I appreciate even more than words strung together that create a lovely melody which you just did, is fresh and new, like that phrase....above, well actually I like the whole darn thing~! MUCHO good! ~Atov ~I envy those who have perfected the art of being~ |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssss) Oh Lori, my heart goes out to you, sweet friend, and may all your tears wash away and be replaced with diamond smiles! (kiss on cheek) God Bless You, sweet friend, I love this, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Lori, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Lori, this is written so beautifully, but it's so sad. It really is bluesy feeling. If you're this sad, I hope things get better, soon. "Love makes the world go around" |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Nancy dear~ you are sweet you know! Thank you thank you~ Julie~ I appreciate you stopping in to read. Nice to see you back~ Atov~ you humble me in a good way. So glad you enjoyed~ hugs and thanks. Noah~ This is not supposed to be SAD sheesh...I do wear other colors and they don't look half bad. I thank you for reading...not to worry though. hugs~ Ethel~ I'm just being my old bluesy self and truly I know how far I can go and I haven't gone off the deep end yet. (it'll never happen)  Thank you for your concern and leaving your nice reply for me. [This message has been edited by BluesSerenade (12-16-2002 10:48 PM).] |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Blues The use of the weather to explain your emotions...a great metaphor, and I loved the way you described your smile. I know it can be repaired, but it is beautiful just as it is. Peace to you. |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
So much to savor here...enjoyed. ThisDiamond |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
touching words and metaphor, thanks for sharing this vision sad but sweet |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Martie~ Your comments mean a great deal to me. Thank you~ TD~ Thank you for taking the time to savor what I wrote here, it is appreciated very much. Aenimal~ A little bit of both I guess~ Thanks for reading me in the right light. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
sad and beautiful, that's how I like them! |
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ctowen Member Elite
since 2001-10-18
Posts 2286Green Mountains of VT |
Many colors worn indeed .... but none fit as well as the tones of blues. The rains do subside, in time .... and each day brings a new quest, but one must want the venture to be able to claim it. This was picture perfect in your bluesy way ... what should I bring for the picnic? Keep a smile and catch the holiday wishes I send across the miles. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
you always just amaze me..the bluesy bitter sweet words always paint an image that leaves me feeling... enjoyed the read my friend.. |
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Sandpiper Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738land of flora and fauna |
Applause!! Feelings described perfectly, enjoyed! "And it was at that age...Poetry arrived in search of me...And something started in my soul." |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
BluesSerenade - you write of blues serenade well. Very well indeed... BC |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I know I commented before but i had to read it again... |
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Salty Senior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 669Texas |
Oh Girl! THis is so good. until puddles sprang from my eyes made me want to cry and stay inside save for a draft in my heart breezing through an open window in need of repair. I've been there !!! You express it so well, so vivid, and so real. My Mother's favorite saying was "this too shall pass" I often think of it when things get really messy. You did a very good job with this. ~Salty In the Midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you. |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Yeah, the bittersweet of romance. Not sure it's nourishing, but it sure does taste good. Ed |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
"My smile hangs from a broken hinge like a crooked fence with the gate left open" youre internal descriptions are beautiful. i dont think you could ever go wrong with too many descriptions. they paint words. nice poem. -chris. |
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ShadowRider Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038USA |
This is a tough season: full of memories, thoughts of the past, promise for the future, they all come down in a cloud burst. I am constantly amazed by the way you elucidate a feeling without triteness, Lor. I am sorry if you are feeling blue....sigh Sorry so late been packing for a holiday weekend with the family....tons of fun....hehehe Merry Christmas to you, too, Lor. You are, and always will be, one of my best friends: Ever! Jeff hugsssssss Lori |
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