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Night Shift at Nelson Metal
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Night Shift at Nelson Metal |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Cring…. Red hot glow spits streamers With each hammer blow Cring…. Rhythmic swing rippled Stretched shoulder Cring…. Soot covered Thor Shapes in forge Cring…. Sizzle drip of sweat Crisp spat hiss Cring…. Clang ring din deafened By hells mouth roar Cring Forearm flex bulge Grip paced arc Cring Hates low light chaos Burst brilliant sun blind Cring… BREATHE CRING Echoes Cring Decapitated thoughts Roll in smoke CRING Paycheck promises Drowned in bar shots tab Cring Hssssssssssss….. Cooled crackle boil Ends? |
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| © Copyright 2003 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Cpat, Whatever, made me cring, enjoyed. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
thanks SY.... playing an old tape in my head...and it was the rhytmic repeated sound of a large hammer on steel..the crackingring that underscored the scenes... just tried to write it.. |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Ron, This is quite descriptive and the repetitive cring brought it to life. I can hear it, ouch...would be difficult to do that day in and out. Not just the sound but the heat. Interesting how you wrote in the cring and it added to the poem. Talent!!! Glad I got to see how a good poet writes. Enjoyed....Yes, you are.... Pat  ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
thanks Pat... as I replied to SY..just trying to write out an old scene from a tape in my head... I do little justice to it as I saw it then.. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I'm deaf... the cring in this was used very well, Cap'n...very well. You eventually made me cringe with the thought of that type of work, day after day... Yep. Good job. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
no shame in doing the work..and not totally inhuman... but it is numbing As for deaf... I still don't ear well...never will |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
No shame at all. Didn't mean to imply that. Everyone's got to do a job, and I'm simply not capable of that kind of work, I don't have the strength for it. You brought it to life... you do that when you write... |
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BloomingRose Member Elite
since 2000-08-09
Posts 3092Florida |
That would be a tough job to endure! You described it well. I felt every cringe. Deb |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Sunshine...no..I did not think you meant there was any shame in it... just thinking out loud (sort of). Deb.. It is a type of work I am glad I left behind years ago.. these words however do not capture the scenes as I would have them do but thank you |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Capt. Ron, I used to work, years ago, in a factory. even though the noise was very loud, I'm sure it wasn't as deafening as that kind of factory. Right before I quit, they fitted everyone with earplugs. I don't think I have any hearing loss from it, but I worked around asbestos, so that's contributed to my lung problems. I remember the graveyard shift, too. I think my favorite shift was 3-11, though. Your writings always make everything seem so real....  graveyard shift well, too. "Love makes the world go around" |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
A vision of a modern Gotterdammerung..... Well crafted -- I could hear it, see it, smell the smoke. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Ethel... I worked years ago in such a place and suffered some hearing loss..no ear plugs issued then..and I remember in the summer the temp reaching 115 inside the building by 9AM... rough work... and tough people that do it year after year... Ratleader Ed? Thank you for the words... wish I could remember the quote but it had something to do with hells furnaces being stoked by fallen teamsters... |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
CRING lungs drawing sear air tasting perdition Cring orange casted fairies dancing chaotic Damn dude! Very evocative. Ed |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Thanks Ed... appreciate you dropping in. It is just a humble effort to charcoal the lines of something I remember.. |
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