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Open Poetry #24
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Long Time
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Long Time |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought 
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Silence over cocoa And some small talk While I held my breath. "It’s been a long time Since I’ve seen you" Smooth chuckles And unnoticed turn of my head. We do the basic question drill. Fumble in my pockets And do a little clown dance Smiling all the while. I laugh and murmur, "I see you’ve got This placed clean up I can almost sit down" We stir our cocoa Take a sip "Yeah... yea..." "So did you hear.. About the death.. in the family? It was a couple weeks ago." Convulsion and gasp Though I’m silent. Respectably, "...Oh?" "Yea... its sad. Actually two, One was heartbreak." Its been a long time. I sip my cocoa Turning away So I can close my eyes. A long time. - And so it was that time stood still - |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
wow..enjoyed the scene |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
heartbreak causes a multitude of living deaths...I do think of that occasionally..good one  |
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Neeraja Senior Member
since 2002-06-22
Posts 812The Netherlands |
refreshing way of writing!!! Neeraja |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Alyssa, I know you don't like to hear this, but too bad  ..smiling here.."You are a very good poetess!" Writing like this at fifteen? Such talent!!! ...so much I like here...the form, descriptions, message, conciseness, all of it adds up to an excellent read. You put me in that messy room (life?) and I saw the: "fumble in my pockets, do a little clown dance" Among other lines this is quite descriptive and real... Enjoyed, Hugs and love, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
well done... narrative that leads to an intense.. little said, yet a history told. I enjoyed |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Alyssa, A friendship gone stale, not even redeemed by a good cup of cocoa? What a wonderful write. nothing clearly spelled out but lots felt within these short powerful lines...i am just wondering if i am feeling the "right" thing |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Dixie, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I could have added so much more to the scene... It was a cramped little one room apartment With Christmas bellydance music playing! lol quite interesting. again, thanks. Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Ecrivan, Yes, it did in this case, because this write is all true. He'd just been holding out for his wife, and when she died, so did he. Actually the call telling us that came in the middle of out talking. I rememer why I hate that phone now! Thanks for replying Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Neeraja, I'm glad you think so. Only truth told in this one. Thank you Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Oh Pat, lol ..thank you for being so kind and ..its all a matter of perspective and besides, I still write for myself!! But I had just come home from ..Christmas (!) and wanted to get some thoughts.. the bad ones at least, off my head. So it had to be descriptive and all, it was the days fault, not mine. For the messy room. I really was in a messy room in there. (but your not supposed to see through the double meanings!!) I add double meanings alot though... it makes it fun. Thanks for the reply! love and hugs to you, Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
sir Hair, Thank you, and I'm glad you enjoyed. I suppose I wish it had been history ..but it was the day. History of the day, that works Thanks again Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Kaile, well if 'right' is what I'm feeling then I want to either call a party, or go six feet undder. WHats right for what I write is whatever you feel. What it was about, though, was a mother and daughter. I didn't want to spell out much.. to leave you wondering, I know the details lol ..ah sometimes I make myself laugh. Thanks for replying Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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