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Open Poetry #24
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Poem: Last Days Of A Friend
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Poem: Last Days Of A Friend |
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pjtalty Member
since 2002-07-17
Posts 111W.A., Australia 
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She seems grateful for the dynamic spark that flames up and fades, though dependant on people with kind voices and gentle hands. They feed her encouragement, talking books, letters on tape from friends, former students and, when she can take it, a little food. Her eyes burn brightly, remnants of dying inner flames; failing voice steadily recalls hill stations of India from half a lifetime back. She climbed them then in a vessel of youth; she caught their pulsating richness in illustrated diaries and lyrical poems of praise. The only climbing now is in and out of bed with help. Her body, once a golden cup of power now grey and draped in the penultimate shroud. (c)2002 Patrick Talty |
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| © Copyright 2003 Patrick Talty - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
pjtalty A good write although sad. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I enjoy the descriptive passages and admire the way they add to the image of the person being spoken of. What in part to me might be missing..is the relationship of this person to the writer and how they feel about this. Good descriptions and a sad telling... enjoyed.... |
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pjtalty Member
since 2002-07-17
Posts 111W.A., Australia |
CPat: Thanks for your comments. I'm glad that you liked the poem apart from the specific aspects you raised concerning the terminally ill subject's relationship to the writer and how she might feel about being the subject of such a poem. As the title states, she was a friend and the poem was written during the period of her last days of life. I was not able to show her the poem because she died within a week of its completion. However, we were soulmates and she was a poet of some ability. One of my treasures is a book of her poems inspired by her experiences whilst living and working as a teacher in a beautiful part of India. Therefore,I am quietly confident that she would have approved of my attempt at capturing her final days -coupled with hints of her full life- in the form of a sensitive poem. I hope that the above information will help to allay any concerns you may have about a poem which seeks to deal with such a theme in a poem containing such intimate images in a tone of deep feelings of sadness. My intention in crafting the poem in such a way was to engender similar feelings within the reader so as to turn the poem into a kind of universal tribute to the memory of my friend. I must leave it to individual readers to determine whether or not I have been successful in achieving such an objective. I should appreciate any further comments from you relating to these points. Best wishes and regards, Patrick . |
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Dr Pepper Freak Member
since 2003-01-30
Posts 72CA |
This is a beautiful tribute and was such a beauty heartfelt message to read! Gret job. It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. ~ Lena Horne |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Patrik, Please understand my take on the read of the poem was from the outside. I see this poem as a tribute...and it is obvious that there is a good deal of caring between the writer and the subject. I took the title into account and understood it was a friend, but after reading your explanation I see actually more than a friend as there was such a close bond. Maybe it was that I felt missing...the words in the poem tender enough to indicate the care and bond, but my own read of it not filling in the complete blank as to how the two were really connected. In no way... meant as critical... in most cases such things are simply a miss on my part when I read... not the authors failing. you captured well the sadness...and an ending... and while it was sad, I enjoyed for the technical expertise and the clear presentation of idea as well as image. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Patrick, a most sensitive, caring piece... some lines in particular caught and kept me in silence... ~*~ She seems grateful for the dynamic spark that flames up and fades, though dependant on people with kind voices and gentle hands. They feed her encouragement, talking books, letters on tape from friends, former students and, when she can take it, a little food. Her eyes burn brightly, remnants of dying inner flames; failing voice steadily recalls hill stations of India from half a lifetime back. She climbed them then in a vessel of youth; she caught their pulsating richness in illustrated diaries and lyrical poems of praise. The only climbing now is in and out of bed with help. Her body, once a golden cup of power now grey and draped in the penultimate shroud. ~*~ She was fortunate in having you...as one of her feeders... |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Patrick--A beautiful tribute to someone special to you still...words to keep a beautiful spirit alive. Thank you for sharing her in this sensitive portrayal of her last days. |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Patrick, Wonderful attempt at capturing true essence. I like what Sunshine quoted and I'd bet it was a very ~mutual~ giving and loving relationship. You have my heartfelt sympathy and I believe this poem does her *justice...though most likely just the tip of the iceberg...for is *that ever possible to do for any one person? ....thank you for sharing this. I look forward to reading more of your poetry; just from having read this and your replies I suspect if anyone ever *could it will be you. Warmest regards, Pat  ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
Extremly beautiful piece here! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Patrick, my mother was this way. It was a long time ago but you have written a memory for me. |
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scorpio Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178right...there |
Patrick, a wonderfully descriptive tribute...I'm sorry for your loss...but this poem was, I hope, a way of writing through your feelings.. believe in what your heart feels... |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Patrick, although this is sad, it is a very loving and beautiful tribute to your friend. I'm sure she felt the same about you. Thank you for sharing your heart with us..  Ethel |
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EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
boy, growing older sure sounds fun!!! Yay for life!!! |
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