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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2003-01-30 10:32 AM

washboard day beginning
the clay of us stained
whites where we muddied with
toes facing our stand

sheet piled discard
tangled steps as
we sought showers
just as the sun
shirttailed stars
into tuck of belt on horizon
you steamed wrinkles
out of kinked eyes
by hand pressing yourself
against the board
and I,
the button,
fastened us.

White cotton slips
Over raised arms
And in supplication
I kneel
While motes of sun
Drift in you

Slowly
Sunrises

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (01-30-2003 10:41 AM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-01-30 10:35 AM

A sunny

Good morning, Cap'n...

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

2 posted 2003-01-30 10:36 AM

I sense muted toens of sensuality but I could be wrong very good use of imagery!

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2003-01-30 10:39 AM

Sunshine.. good morning.. and thank you

Brad... I think that is up to the reader to take from it what they would. Thanks for the nice words..

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

4 posted 2003-01-30 10:39 AM

Ron....You captured this beautifully, with the tenderness of amazing imagery and feeling.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

5 posted 2003-01-30 10:42 AM

thank you martie... you are far too generous with your words

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

6 posted 2003-01-30 10:48 AM

I really like the image of white slip sliding over raised arms....it's almost like the slow falling of a curtain, signalling the end of the show...

Besides, anyone who can get a response from Brad automatically becomes my idol

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

7 posted 2003-01-30 10:50 AM

Morning Deer... (chuckling at your Brad comment) glad you found something in this you liked... and was it the ending..or just the beginning of the show?

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

8 posted 2003-01-30 10:54 AM

sheet piled discard
tangled steps as
we sought showers
just as the sun
shirttailed stars
into tuck of belt on horizon
you steamed wrinkles
out of kinked eyes
by hand pressing yourself
against the board
and I,
the button,
fastened us.

White cotton slips
Over raised arms
And in supplication
I kneel
While motes of sun
Drift in you

=============================

the mix of imagery, personification and sensual undercurrent make me moth giddy

While motes of sun
Drift in you

*sigh*

If made to choose between the power of writing a poem
or the ecstasy of a poem unwritten I would choose ecstasy
In the end it is better poetry
KG

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

9 posted 2003-01-30 10:57 AM

JM... glad you liked... just a morning scribble and the play of idea on dream..

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

10 posted 2003-01-30 10:57 AM

yes,it's a keeper

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

11 posted 2003-01-30 10:58 AM

vandana... now I think that is more than I've read from you in a reply in ages...
I'm honored

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

12 posted 2003-01-30 11:34 AM

Ron,

Many lines I liked...such as:

"just as the sun shirttailed stars
into tuck of belt on horizons"

Enjoyed this a great deal. Worth rereading for the talent in it...
It is amazing...

Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

13 posted 2003-01-30 11:43 AM

Pat..you always say nice things... thank you.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

14 posted 2003-01-30 12:52 PM

WOW!! Much enjoyed Ron.
Softly sensual images.
~Hugs & Smiles~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So you won't ever forget me~

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

15 posted 2003-01-30 12:56 PM

And a grand good morning/day to you as well, Cap'n...

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

16 posted 2003-01-30 01:03 PM

nancy.... glad you liked.. thanks for the WOW.

Nan.. top of the morning to you
thanks for dropping in..always a pleasure to see you

Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

17 posted 2003-01-30 05:26 PM

hmmm, nice!

Cor

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

18 posted 2003-01-30 05:38 PM

Glad you liked maybe not so dark and brooding huh? or just another layer of that..( chuckling) peel the onion..and you usually find tears.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

19 posted 2003-01-30 06:43 PM

Your VanWinkle Morning is quite a rip--I mean trip! tehe

Enjoyed the experience!

Warm hugs,
Linda

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

20 posted 2003-01-31 04:01 PM

(sigh) I agree with Balladeer, the final movement also felt to me like the final movement of a symphony, and boy, what a show, encore, encore! (big hugggsssssss) I love this, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

21 posted 2003-01-31 05:12 PM

I liked very much

M

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