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Grey Mouse Ending
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Grey Mouse Ending |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I stopped in Moneta About a third of the way across Wyoming To find a bed and to get the tire fixed That had blown out on me last night. Rock, at the tire shop Said he could get to it by late afternoon And since I was beat as well as sore I left it with him and found a motel. Betty’s Best Stay Was the only game in town So I paid my 39 bucks and told her I didn’t want to be disturbed I slept, But can’t say it was restful When the dreams turned to that 45 looking at me With no thought of blinking When I woke up it was dark And I reached over to switch on the lamp When he spoke. “you a hard man to run down.” Grey Mouse’s accented voice said. “How the hell you find me, and what the hell you want?” I asked more than just a little annoyed Wondering at the same time what was pointed at me gut now And how did I ever get into this mess. “ I want to talk to you is all.” Came his reply in a sad voice that hinted he was tired. “Not sure we have anything to talk about, and last time I talked to you I nearly got myself beat to death, shot, and scared out my wits.” I blurted quickly with a following epitaph to emphasize my point. “it is the letter, “he said then continued, “You delivered it then?” “Yes.” “Good” was his answer that he punctuated with a long pause. “You should know,” he continued finally. “The letter was written by my son before he died.” “He wrote it threatening to kill her accusing her of cheating.” “I was there when he sealed it, and saw the anger in him rise to burn out all reason.” His soft voice fell now even quieter. “ He was going to kill her, so I followed him to their house.” “they fought, and he stormed out and grabbed his rifle then headed for the house.” “I got between him and the door and he pointed the gun at me.” His voice cracked and I heard the heavy sigh as he waited a moment then continued, “ I took it away from him and made him get into my truck.” ‘We went riding around and I calmed him down.” “Very late that night we got back into town, and he died.” “What do you mean died?” I asked not sure I wanted the answer. “ I let him out and he reached for the rifle.” “I grabbed the other end, and it went off, hitting him in the chest.” “ He died on the street, before any help came.” “I took the letter out of his pocket before anyone showed up and kept it along with a picture he had of the two of them together.” “She did not need to know all the things he said.” “Why me?” I asked as I reached for the nightstand and a pack of smokes. “you look like him, and when I saw you my spirit told me you must be the one.” “Grey Mouse, how the hell did you find me?” I asked with anger again building. “Touch me,” was his reply. I tried, but my hand found no resistance I really don’t remember much more Except that the tire I left, never got picked up And hours later I let the speedometer drop below 85 And pulled into Glenrock, fueled up the truck And headed for a bar. I’d made my mind up On the road No need to ever tell this story Cause no one would believe it, and if I did They’d think I was spinning a yarn. “So you see, Katy, “ I said between sips of Jack, “No one else knows but you.” I sipped and stared at her, painting her toenails red as she sat on the bed, “You still got that .45?” [This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (01-27-2003 03:07 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 WOW!!! OH MY GOSH, THIS GOT RIGHT TO ME!!! What a very eerie ending that leads back into genuflection, I like the switch of narrative here though it is so tragic and made me cry for both the confused man and Grey Wolf! This is excellent, sweet friend, I hope you write some prequels to this, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I knew the spirit of this... I knew! And THAT is why the grasp of the gasp is still with us... Oh, he will return, I am sure, but in another form, another day, another tale... |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Geesh....I got so excited reading this, I keep on making mistakes posting a comment....lol. Anyway, this has been just a joy to follow. Excellent job. Bravo!! hugs, Chris  [This message has been edited by Nightshade (01-27-2003 02:25 PM).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
you are amazing.  |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Capt. Ron, I was excited to read it, too. I also hope there will be sequels to it. BTW, I'm glad you posted this in the day time.......I would have been like your man who drives the truck (can't remember his nam) When I found out that Grey Mouse was a Spirit, I would have high-tailed it out of there, too. And, I would have gotten another ticket on that interstate...going over 85, trying to get away from the Spirit.....HeeHee  "Love makes the world go around" |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
You couldn't have ended that more perfectly! |
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scorpio Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178right...there |
Well done...full circle...I knew the heat packing red head was still in the background...a classic, Ron!!! believe in what your heart feels... |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Noah, glad you enjoyed.. and thans for the many nice things you have said. Sunshine: Don't think he'll be showing up again..he just needed to be here for this. thanks for reading...and the replies. Chris: (chuckling) Slow down... glad you enjoyed and thank you for the very nice words.. Witch: nope... don't hold a candle to the way you and some of the others write on here. Thanks for dropping in..and the nice words. Ethel: Not sure I could have driven had it been real... ( chuckling) Thanks for reading and thanks for the nice words... Duncan: Thank you sir... but not sure I truly achieved what I wanted in tying them all back to the original post of "Katy". Could have been a bit stronger tie built in the middle with some remark about Katy's cooking that hinted at the question asked of her in the original poem... Scorpio; I never did write them red toenails in did I? dang it... I hate leaving those details out... could change the ending of this I guess a bit and have her sitting on the bed painting her toenails while he asks her the question at the end... just consider that it was implied...and that her toenails are red.. ( chuckling) Thanks for the nice words.. appreciate them. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ron--Thanks, my friend, for the wonderful read! |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Martie... glad you enjoyed.. thanks for dropping in and reading. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Wow! I was hooked all the way through this story and you ended it perfectly. Truly an amazing write.  |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Ms Devine... you are far too kind... amazing is a big word to throw around.. not sure I can catch it when it is thrown my way.. thank you. |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Ha! Grinning here, enjoyed this just as much as all others who've read it. Very satisfying....great write! I can add nothing that the others didn't already say...I just really thoroughly enjoy this and the little surprises you threw in.... Outstanding!!! Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Thank you Pat... glad you enjoyed the twisted telling... now I need to put them all together somewhwere and edit them. |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Ron, Yes, and with a little more work, (few more chapters) get it published smiling....can't wait for the real deal....betcha it would sell quickly...can picture the cover now.. thanks for it from you to us.... Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
(chuckling) you misunderstand..it will never see a publishers desk... and doubtful it would ever get added on to... |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Ahhh... them old Indian ghosts are tricky that way. A good wrap up if I do say so myself. A most enjoyable story for start to finish. Thanks for sharing. |
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Salty Senior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 669Texas |
I love legend type stories...and your accented words...sure bring this to life. couldn't go to bed until I read the whole thing. Very enjoyable ~Salty In the Midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you. |
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