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Open Poetry #24
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A Tone of Voice
Member
since 2001-07-18
Posts 287


0 posted 2003-01-25 02:27 AM


I hate those days
when the excitement ebbs
And the return
is black spiders weaving webs
Odd it is I feel this way, after all
The last days are freedom identical
Identical to the first
In retrospect
I should savor the moments
Blissfully aware as they dissipate,
Try as I might, I can't
It’s astringent sweet
This after taste
As I smile and contemplate
I can't forget what is to come
Loneliness, such a silly fool I am
When he’s here I pretend
  When he’s gone
I’m forced to acknowledge
He’ll never leave her
I’m much too smart
To live a lie
Yet I am
Is it choice or chance
Or is it neither
Perhaps it’s illusion
Designed by a goddess’s hand
A tale of watercolors
Created with a brush and
A touch of madness…

[This message has been edited by A Tone of Voice (01-25-2003 11:24 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 A Tone of Voice - All Rights Reserved
A Tone of Voice
Member
since 2001-07-18
Posts 287

1 posted 2003-01-25 02:55 AM


maybe there is no need to explain, but since I'm relatively new here, I thought I might, this is just writing, not actually my story~! *Smile*
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2003-01-25 07:52 AM


It does seem like prose, but there is rhyme in it.  Perhaps line breaks would help the readers?
A Tone of Voice
Member
since 2001-07-18
Posts 287

3 posted 2003-01-25 11:40 AM


Thank you Sunshine, I tried to rearrange the format, but it wouldn't take it and then I also tried to delete it so I could re-do it, but alas it's still here.....*S*

I appreciate your suggestion....

Salty
Senior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 669
Texas
4 posted 2003-01-25 12:56 PM


Oh these places we find ourselves sometimes...weaving our own web of deceit.

Trying to a play the character and part...without expecting to recieve an oscar.

A very intriguing write this is.


~Salty

In the Midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.
--Deepak Chop

regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
5 posted 2003-01-25 01:08 PM





I thought this very well written, even without line breaks it reads well and flows all the way through, and I liked the content and meaning. You brought it across nicely.

Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
6 posted 2003-01-25 01:19 PM


ATOV, I like the way you write poetry...as if you're looking in someone's being and seeing the way they're feeling. You're very good...

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~  
                  

A Tone of Voice
Member
since 2001-07-18
Posts 287

7 posted 2003-01-25 01:23 PM


Salty, sometimes we find ourselves in a place it would be better for us "not" to be, but we just can't help ourselves it seems~!

Thank you mucho, mucho, mucho~!


~Atov


regards2you,


Such encouraging words, I do appreciate them very much, thank you!

~Atov

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
8 posted 2003-01-25 02:44 PM


do I know what you mean here!!! WOW!
A Tone of Voice
Member
since 2001-07-18
Posts 287

9 posted 2003-01-25 02:52 PM


GG, thank you, when I write I explore all the possibilities my experience or that of someone else. I take it as an extreme compliment when the reader believes it's my experience or I've conveyed it so it seems as if it is.  *S*
A Tone of Voice
Member
since 2001-07-18
Posts 287

10 posted 2003-01-25 02:54 PM


passing shadows, that's what I enjoy the most, the mutal feelings and emotions we can share, even though sometimes it's not our experience we are able to feel the other's point of view....thank you very much for reading and commenting~! *S*
Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
11 posted 2003-01-25 03:07 PM




(sigh) I just love this, sweet friend, this made me smile as I love watercolor art and to paint your own heart with your fingers is truly a blessing and a one of a kind! (kiss on cheek) God Bless You, sweet friend, we al love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!



May love and liht always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
12 posted 2003-01-25 03:09 PM


Looks like it "took" just right...
very good!

A Tone of Voice
Member
since 2001-07-18
Posts 287

13 posted 2003-01-25 03:14 PM


Noah, thank you for sharing that uplifting voice of yours, it's nice to hear nice.....*S*


Sunshine, again thank you for your input, I sincerely do appreciate it~!

(hugz)

Atov~

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
14 posted 2003-01-25 10:09 PM


This piece smacked with many messages, and I particularly enjoyed the free form of it...real life. Well done. ThisDiamond
inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
15 posted 2003-01-25 10:16 PM


it's just all so crazy, isnt it, when its
not yours to have

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
16 posted 2003-01-25 10:19 PM


A Tone of Voice - to be only a write it's very well written. Nice work>

BC

Eromyna
Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA
17 posted 2003-01-25 10:22 PM


The last line really made that for me. Nice write.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
18 posted 2003-01-25 10:36 PM


Excellent write!
Much enjoyed.
~Hugs & Smiles, Nancy~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
  So you won't ever forget me~

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279

19 posted 2004-12-19 09:49 AM


Love IT! There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. It is a wonderful piece and I wish I'd written it. Bravo!

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

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