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Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793


0 posted 2003-01-24 04:33 PM



The coffee was hot and strong
But hard to enjoy when your face
Feels like sausage.

She sat in the chair watching me
With green eyes and a half smile
Then laughed

“You look terrible!”

“Thanks.” I managed to mumble.

“You can go anytime you want, or stay.” She said.
“ Since I guess I am responsible for your discomfort,
You can consider yourself my guest and rest a day or so if you like.”

“No Thanks” I grumbled
“But can you tell me what was so important about that letter,
and why I got roughed up for having it?”

“All I’ll tell you is that it was mine and Grey Mouse didn’t know I had moved.”

“He always said he’d give it back to me one day,” she mused.
“I didn’t expect the picture too, but the bastard owed me that and more.”

“He tell you about his son?” she asked me with cold eyes.

“Nope, he didn’t tell me anything but stories about deer and bear.”

“Well, I was married to his son, until Grey Mouse killed him.”

I just stared at her not knowing whether to believe her or not
And not caring to know anything that I was going to have trouble sleeping with.

“ The letter was from his son.”

“Ma’am,” I slurred out between swollen lips.
“Family business isn’t any of mine.”

“No, it isn’t.” she replied in a whisper.

She got up and left so I dressed and took a look at myself
In the old mirror hanging over the dresser
Thinking there wouldn’t be anyone kissing this mug for a while
And I might have to grow a beard, when I saw the envelope
Lying on the top and picked it up.

A yellowed newspaper clipping fell out
With a picture and an obituary.

I grabbed my jacket and made like mad out the front door
Thinking no man should see the spitting image of himself
Written up for dead.

So much for redheads
And white lines

© Copyright 2003 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
1 posted 2003-01-24 04:37 PM


Ron---Interesting twist you took...enjoyed!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2003-01-24 04:39 PM



Captain!  Great Twist!  Hitchcock has NOTHING on you, Sir!  Doggone if you didn't kick this one all the way home!

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
3 posted 2003-01-24 04:41 PM


Whoa!!  What a twist here!
Best you make a run for the border!

scorpio
Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178
right...there
4 posted 2003-01-24 04:49 PM


Enchantress is right Ron...head for the border... leave the Canadian redheads behind but pick up a case of beer at the duty free..but seriously, I enjoyed these writes...great story telling..

believe in what your heart feels...

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

5 posted 2003-01-24 06:36 PM


Ron, sincerely, your ability to tell a story is amazing.  I don't think my mind worked this quickly even before I killed all those brain cells.  
Welcome back to the States...and blondes!  
      

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA
6 posted 2003-01-24 06:37 PM


Very interesting

Cold hands means a warm heart

Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
7 posted 2003-01-24 08:07 PM




(sigh) Oh dear, I didn't anticipate this climax one bit, wolves are ravenous of course so better make a run for it or he'll be hunted! (big hugggsssssss) This is marvelous, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

8 posted 2003-01-24 08:51 PM


Sheesh..the moth goes off-line for a few hours and you write a mini-series
But I am now up to speed...
Ya know..for someone who says he cant write...you sure do one damn fine job of it...kinda gives new meaning to "multi-tasking" dont it LOL

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
9 posted 2003-01-24 09:38 PM


UHHHHH!!!!!!! I didn't want it to end like that.....You put too many questions in my mind...........HeeHee


When are you gonna write a novel, Capt. Ron?????  

regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
10 posted 2003-01-24 10:48 PM




Oh yes, like this much. Gave me a slight shiver ....with your surprise ending.....

Enjoyed a great deal. Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent with us, though I definitely would be willing to buy the book....

Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

11 posted 2003-01-24 11:50 PM


And here we have it...

smiling.

Wonderful wonderful work with this--

curious? Did you have the ending in mind as you wrote all four, or did you just let it "go where it wanted to go?"

(I do study, yanno...)

My hats off to ya cap. Much applause.

Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA
12 posted 2003-01-25 12:10 PM


Hey! Rod Serling... How'd you get in the back of this pick 'em up truck?  Excellent piece of story telling!  I do like a good mystery with a fine twist.  Thanks for the trip.
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
13 posted 2003-01-26 11:24 AM


I'm in a puddle of befuddle but I sure enjoyed the read...but my questions at the end are agony indeed.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

14 posted 2003-01-27 09:01 AM


Thanks all!! Glad you enjoyed the diversion..and the tale. Appreciate the kind words..and truly glad you found some enjoyment in it....

Ser... the ending was set from the beginning...but never made it to the end. Instead it shifted its own way to something different than what was planned...

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