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Jaime Fradera
Senior Member

since 2000-11-25

Posts 843
Where no tyranny is tolerable

0 posted 2003-01-19 05:21 PM

Doctor Ward

1:
It is evening,
And we are having dinner
at the Ark.
Then my ride picks me up,
Takes me to a church function;
But after he drives off,
I realize
That I don't know where I am.
It is now fully night
And I am lost and disoriented.
Everything is strange and unfamiliar.
I hear a jet fly low above
And muse
That we must be near the airport.
I walk into a building,
Looking for info or directions.
A girl asks
If I am coming
To the "clothes" program on girdles.
I mechanically say yes,
And she leads me to a room
Where a ceremony seems to be in progress.
The room is filled with people
Sitting on bleachers in a circle,
And in the center
Candles are burning in a chalice.
I am suddenly very tired,
Sink into the benches or a couch
And then pass out.

2:
I wake up in a hospital room.
Through a hazy stupor,
I hear someone asking where I am,
And can I hear her can I hear her ...
And can I say my name,
And recite the alphabet,
And do I know
How many toes I have,
And can I count backwards to zero? ...
When she is satisfied I am awake,
She tells me she is Dr. Ward.
When I ask: how did I get here?
She says I had had a seizure at the meeting
And that they brought me to Emergency.
She says her name is Dr. Ward,
But when I so address her,
She is annoyed and says
to me just call her Doctor.

3:
I am at a very loud,
Cacophonous,
Teenage drugs and drinking party
But have no idea how I got there.
Amid the raucous blare
Of heavy-metal rock
The kids are standing around,
Being crazy,
Smoking dope.
Then a roomer,
A whispered something starts to circulate:
Police ... the police! ...
The police are coming!
They're gonna make a bust! ...
This sets everybody
Running round and round
To frantically
Get rid of all the stuff
Before the cops arrive.
I follow the crowd and the excitement
Outside to the front lawn,
And just then
A patrol car pulls up,
Radio crackling.
An officer gets out
And says we're in violation
Of City Ordinance 46,
Excessive noise,
And will have to pay a fine.
The officer isn't looking for drugs
Until my sister,
Who has been smoking dope,
Gaily offers him a reefer.
She is promptly arrested
And told to "get behind the wheel!"
And it is she
Who drives them both
Down to the "station-house."
As they roar off into the night,
Tires screeching,
I call out to her
Be sure she has her notebook
So she can keep a diary
Of her jail experience.
My travel cane is gone,
So very carefully,
I slowly feel my way
Into the now deserted house.

4:
I am talking
With my father on a payphone ,
Or maybe it is more than one.
It seems that we've been talking
For some time by telephone.
In fact,
It seems we have been years like this,
Relationship via telephone;
And indeed
We saw each other seldom
After the divorce.
And through all the years,
All the first times of my life,
He was there,
Giving me his scoops,
His articles, his commentaries, ...
My being
Too far away to hear the broadcasts,
Sprinkled with bits
Of father-son advice;
Broadcasting to me by telephone.
Now, this was his last broadcast.
And like Walter saying: that's the way it is;
It was time to say: so long,
It was time to say: goodbye.
As I hang up the phone,
I feel a wave of sickening loss
And paralyzing sadness.
I sink heavily into a chair,
My mind reeling.
It is almost as if my dad were dead ...
Wasn't he? ... ... ...

5:
And then it comes to me
That, as I remember it,
Father had died in 1983.
And I remembered the emergency,
The plane trip,
How we had to leave the country;
The gather of his children
In the face of the onrushing inevitable.
And I remembered the cancer ward;
The antiseptic gowns
They said we had to wear,
Sense his immune system was gone;
And the open toilet down the hall.
And I remembered
Asking the doctors how he was,
Being careful
Not to do it too insistently,
Hoping they would sense
I didn’t really want to know.
And I remembered how cold his hands were
When I held them:
The IV’s in both his arms,
Sustaining him,
Confining him;
And how his eyes, his skin were turning yellow.
And I remembered
How he told me he was sorry
For the peaceful home
That he had never given me,
For the father he had never been,
For the beatings and the spankings,
For all those things that happened
So very long ago;
Because both he and Mother
Were themselves still children
When they had me.
And I told him not to worry,
That I was at peace,
That he had only done
The best he knew.
And I remembered
When, at last, it came,
The end.

6:
Then Mother comes to me
And she is crying.
She says that she is joining
A Zen-budhist-hippie commune
Out in California,
That she has come to say goodbye.
I ask her:
How could Father be dead,
When I just finished talking to him?
But she just turns
And walks away.

7:
And now, the rest I can not write;
Except that I emerge
Into the topside world,
A place
Where there is Life, and Hope, and Light.

There’s got to be a morning after.
We’re moving closer to the shore.
I know we’ll be there by tomorrow.
And we’ll escape the darkness.
We won’t be searching anymore.
Maureen Mg-Govern
Used without permission!!

Jaime

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2003-01-19 06:12 PM

The impact of this was greater than I had expected. Knowing you as I do, I thought I could read it without a tear, knowing some of the story already. I was wrong. You always leave me amazed at the abundance of your inner strength.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

2 posted 2003-01-19 09:26 PM

Jaime, it is always a pleasure to enjoy your work and this is exceptional writing. The scenarios you portray and then the realization of what they stand for and the way you tie them together is first-rate.

I don't think Maureen would mind at all

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2003-01-19 09:33 PM

quote:
And like Walter saying: that's the way it is;
It was time to say: so long,
It was time to say: goodbye.

This is what brought it home to me. Thank you Jaime. Don't be a stranger...

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

4 posted 2003-01-19 09:52 PM

Jaime, I don't think I know you, but I did enjoy reading this, though it was sad to me. I don't know if it's from your own personal experience or not, so I won't comment any further. Making the reader not know whether it's real or fiction is what makes a good writer, isn't it?

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

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