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Open Poetry #23
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Indoctrination to Exile
| Open Poetry #23 |
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Indoctrination to Exile |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Between The lines of your words And the empty flush of eyes Lies the wasteland where you exile thoughts of me. No timed sentence With pardon Just separations of Faith and this state That answers to no law But your own Borders guarded With sharp tongued splits of word Vintage, yet still lethal, allow no escape So I search blank spaces And silence For refuge And meaning |
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| © Copyright 2002 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
Wow. I really loved the comparisons you made, the imagery.  A wonderful poem.  Kielo I know only one thing, and that thing is that I know nothing. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
thanks Keilo... glad you liked! |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Like the title and the second stanza. I found this a painful read. Well written is the least I can say. Very touching and must be a sad, frustrating way for someone to live. Again, thoughts of the second stanza prompt that remark. If this is layered I am not bright enough to see it. Which is okay with me, I felt it! (Actually, I did not look for layering) Interesting write, seems very well crafted. Enjoyed reading it. Warm regards, Pat PS...thanks for remarks on last poem. I've thought about that poem and am "getting it" by applying 'faces' and considering many sides of a personality, which works for me, no matter the intent. That is what I like about poetry when I can apply to self and 'use it' personally. thanks..... ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
Incredible.....the way you define a relationship.......incredible write Sir Cpat *curtsies in reverance* |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
pat.. sorry if the read was painful.. it is probably one that should have gone into another forum as it is a bit heavy.. thanks for the reply and your thoughts. JB... incredible is word I wouldn't use to describe this or anything I write, but it is nice to hear someone else say them. Thank you.. though the word and compliment are not deserved by me. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Greetings from Siberia... just a little smile? (seems I've been sent there too.) |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Ser, pull up an ice cube and warm yourself... |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Cpat Hair With a sting like a killer bee, enjoyed. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
So I search blank spaces And silence For refuge And meaning ~*~ Understanding THIS with more than a glance. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Sy... think I sting too much of late? Perhaps I should change the tone of my writing a bit..it is after all supposed to be a joyous season...and here I am writing things that sting.. I'll have to remind myself to try and write something a whole lot lighter... thanks for dropping in Sy. Sunshine... a passing glance is all that is needed. Thanks for dropping in... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Between The lines of your words And the empty flush of eyes Lies the wasteland where you exile thoughts of me. No timed sentence With pardon Just separations of Faith and this state That answers to no law But your own ================================ damn........... ~~~~~~~~ Long before your rusted chains-- busted walls, barbed wire cage tried to hold me down ... Time was just a fist of change tossed in the water just in case you ever came around. Pardon me if I appear To see beyond the now and here Try to save myself I'm not the kind to pin the blame But I can't take more on the same Living on your shelf I could lose myself I could curse like hell But I've lost the will to even try If you ever doubt Listen to the sound...no lies This is my last goodbye. Last Goodbye Noah Hunt/Kenny Wayne Sheppard Band |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
JM.. damn? or damned? (smiling) thanks to you for dropping by.. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Exiled moments allow us time to put it all into perspective. Thank you for sharing your exile. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
an interesting comment MS... indeed.. ( smiling) thanks for dropping by... |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
Stick to the shadows, blend with the crowd, keep moving......'tis a solitary existence. Enjoyed |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
RS it is indeed... good advice... thanks for dropping in and reading.. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
JM.. damn? or damned? ================= *smiling at your clever wit* mothyme thinks its both.... the write is damn impressive... the inspire damned oppressive. (which is why we have moth anthems like I left for ya)  |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
JM... no wit on my part unless it be a half..which I am called by those who have to spend time around me.. ( smiling) |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
I've visited a parallel plane to the one you describe and remember its vistas quite well, for the walls around the perimeter are made of the most transparent glass and serve to cause contusions when trying to leave its borders... -MVS "AS ABOVE SO BELOW" |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Mark... such places are impossible to describe unless one has been there themselves. I appreciate your insight... |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ron "So I search blank spaces And silence For refuge And meaning" There is a negative space that interacts with all things...it is what brings meaning many times, to what is too harsh, sometimes even peace. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
martie.. kind of like anti-matter, ( smiling) thanks for the wisdom...and the heartfelt caring... |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Another POWER-FILLED piece! Pain, yes, but cathartic lines. Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (sigh) And it can seem like a pilgrimage indeed, as you are in an exodus from your place, and until you solve the puzzle you feel you're never home again and in your own religion at that time! (big hugggssssss) This is marvelous, sweet friend, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Salty Senior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 669Texas |
sounds as though you are trying to find someone else inside this person that shows only a blank face to the world. Someone without feeling or ackowledgment of others, and doesn't seem to care. I don't know if you can ever reach the unreachable...and not sure you would want to. You did a fantastic job with this write of yours. ~Salty In the Midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
VAS.. thanks for the read.. some writes are cathartic indeed Noah.. thanks my friend for the insights and thoughts. they are always appreciated Salty... you are not supposed to look so close you know... you might see things you aren't supposed to. ( smiling) Thanks to you all... the comments are appreciated.. |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Cpat - Ron, right? Hmmm, now. Am I going to have to beg you to write something happy and/or silly again? I don't mind, but I worry about you! Corinne (your friend, 'ya know) |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Corrine.... now how worried can you be? Toe asked you to marry him didn't he? Oh wait...that is worrisom in itself.. never mind... thanks for looking in... I'm fine Corrine... |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Borders guarded With sharp tongued splits of word Excellent words and images all around but this was my favourite. Very much enjoyed! raph |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Thanks Raph... appreciate you dropping in to read... Those words in particular well they just seemed to fit the thought thanks again' |
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fishop Member
since 2002-09-13
Posts 79ohio |
Powerfull works for me. With sharp tongued splits of word Vintage, yet still lethal, loved that. Very nice thanks for sharing |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
This is a well crafted poem even though down and bleak....great perspective and creative writing! |
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Sandpiper Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738land of flora and fauna |
tried to find something in "blank" once--there was nothing--you describe it perfectly, enjoyed! "And it was at that age...Poetry arrived in search of me...And something started in my soul." |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
That's always rough. |
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