Further Adventures of the Gray Man

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RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

0 posted 2002-11-14 09:46 PM

Gelid drops pound weakened leaves
down to their brown finality.

The bronze bus sunders cobwebbed
fog, slipstreams between concrete

sky and the wet, clouded street,
halts, yawns and inhales him.

The sideway seat's faced window
reflects a Gray Man always miscast.

Electric flickers strobe per potholed
bounce and in each dark phase dying

riders alter, haunt his memory bank.
Pointy nose hides behind Dow Jones

morphing to the ex-Benz boss who tried
in vain to saddle the Gray Man's spirit.

Blonde beached boy becomes the owner
who wouldn't pay for five pools designed

and sold in three days. Even now a
fantasy of teeth like chicklets flying.

Frowzy face the bushly browed proteans
to one sued for the sliver earned of the

fortune made and left unpaid till
the Gray Man stood his weary ground.

The ride ends the firm seat abandon
to the knotty walk on a hardened

earth in a rigid life to it's stiffened
end while the Gray Man offers a tightened

jaw that sets against all men and sad
and softened eyes which cannot cease to

search their mirror in the kinder
frame of the faces of all women.

[This message has been edited by RSWells (11-14-2002 09:49 PM).]

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2002-11-14 09:50 PM

Richard

I need to come back to this again, to read the layers that seem to have overcome me. The last bit, perfect ending.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

2 posted 2002-11-15 08:07 AM

layered... and indeed a grey mans story...

enjoyed RS

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

3 posted 2002-11-15 08:18 AM

Richard it's like peeling the layers back one at a time. Ya know what I like about seeing your name on the blue pages? I know that when I click on it I am always in for refreshingly well written poetry with much thought behind it. Very well done!

"When we're torn apart,
shattered and scarred,
love has the grace to save us"
Saints and Angels as sung by Sarah Evans

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

4 posted 2002-11-15 08:25 AM

RSWells
A Lullaby of metaphor and symbols, Enjoyed.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2002-11-15 09:06 AM

You take a less used word
and gild lightly the face of a poem

not too many
one or two

that stamps the embossed thought
of "I care,"
leaving only the very best
behind.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

6 posted 2002-11-15 09:19 AM

Richard, you do have such a way with words...so descriptive. I love your way of writing. Wish I could write more like you, but then it wouldn't be "me" writing, it would just be someone trying to write like Richard.....that wouldn't come across as being the "real me", then. You are the real you and that's what I like. You have your own individuality, as we all should.
Now, sorry I got a litle long-winded, but that's just me, I guess.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

7 posted 2002-11-15 10:14 AM

Forever in your unique style, you immerse the reader under the skin of your subjects, and we find ourselves breathing the very air that surrounds your character.
The added bonus is your wonderful vocabulary lesson.

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

8 posted 2002-11-15 10:34 AM

hmmm, sitting on a bus, taking snapshots of the passengers joining in the ride, fascinating perceptions, shared well

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Sandpiper
Senior Member

since 2002-06-15

Posts 738
land of flora and fauna

9 posted 2002-11-15 08:39 PM

Stunning images--I felt as though I too, rode that bus--I would prescribe, for the Gray Man, perhaps some flora and fauna in his world.

"I am a sky where spirits live.
Stare into this deepening blue,
while the breeze says a secret." Jelaluddin Rumi

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

10 posted 2002-11-16 04:38 AM

Psyching out the people were you? Funny how your mind wanders on a bus and you put other faces on those sitting around you to suit your emotions. I used to look in the window as well for some explanation of the person on the other side. I enjoyed the journey actually and especially the ending. I sure hope you're lucky in

soon Richard

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