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Open Poetry #23
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The Lot of Man
| Open Poetry #23 |
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The Lot of Man |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
The Lot of Man In the soft shade of the apple tree Lazy days pass by slowly for her. But Adam ever rejoices about the garden, Pleasure in the animals, rapture in the Flowers, Presented open just for him they Raise their little heads out of lucious lips. Today the heat of the beating sun Dries the grass and fire licks the sky Where the slivering serpent has passed. Adam's away, down a snaking path Oblivious as something slinks its way Near the tree where ripe apparently is the fruit. Whim carries him to a near by bush, And taking a flower heads to return, A pretty present for his pretty one. The serpent circles round the shade, His blood cold requires the warmth But he smells another source. Whistling away as he nears his hill, Circling the trunk as below she sleeps, Adam strides long and strong, noble. His forked tongue tickles her ear as she... Stopping to pet the animals his ease is ill, She wakes and feels but is rooted as the tree. His ascent up the lush knoll begins Just as the serpent's head descends To her breast as Adam's descends to his Hands whence he drinks deep of a small brook While she breathes deep and sighs, The serpent caresses one then two... They both reach the crown together, Snaking into one valley as Adam Arrives from his the serpent tongue Dances inside her and Adam happening Upon the sight stands stupified as The serpent sinks his fangs into her He drops to his knees as, she, says, Yessssss. -majnu -------------------------------------- Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet. [This message has been edited by majnu (11-13-2002 05:49 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Zaheer Abbas Ali - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
I enjoyed this alot. I good take on Original Sin |
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Connel
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736Florida, USA |
Cool poem.. Thanks for sharing. I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I enjoyed the construction and metaphors used in this poem very much. I had to read it a few times before I could say honestly that it is one of the neatest, and best renditions of the original sin I think I have ever read. Loved the "fire flicks" and your serpent certainly was a sneaky one! Nicely done indeed. |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
  It is absolutely splendid. But you knew I thought that already.  |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
thank you all for reading my work. connel, thanks. wayoutwalt, is all that it really is about? mysteria, i appreciate your compliment, but I say again, is that all you see? do not ignore the darker interpretations just because they may be disturbing.  rose, what can I say, you are too kind. -majnu -------------------------------------- Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet. [This message has been edited by majnu (11-14-2002 12:49 PM).] |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Booster time. Maj, this is too outstanding to sink. You always have many layers of meaning in your work, and the are always worth aother glance. |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
you are a flatterer, midnitesun. thank you for the compliment and the boost.  -majnu |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
uh....sitting with mouth open...nothing comes out....wow! |
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