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Open Poetry #23
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The Apathy of Smile
| Open Poetry #23 |
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The Apathy of Smile |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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The Apathy of Smile ©2002 C.G. Ward climb. tally regrets carried forward toward one last mistake, where doubt sheltered in the palm of silence. with nothing left to say she said she loved me and I shook the pain out of the lie. quiet: yesterday's echo was solemn, whisper-burnished. tonight, we dance; ten-second intervals of remembrance swirl into fantasy. swallowing tarnish off the caged indifference around an empty core, I look to the sidewalk instead of the stars. |
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| © Copyright 2002 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Red Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 143Ca |
You are an exceptional writer... "whisper-burnished" I like that. |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
I second the motion, here here, I to love your talented pen and creative expression....especially this~ climb. tally regrets carried forward toward one last mistake, where doubt sheltered in the palm of silence. Mighty fine writing Christopher~ |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Somehow I don't see you looking at the sidewalk instead of up and full into the eyes of everyone who comes your way. In your tender painful moments, it is probably your only defence...don't let 'em see you cry! I think this is good work. It made me feel..and that's what poetry should do.  |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Red - Thank you. I liked that line too, glad it didn't stick out like a sore thumb... or maybe it did.  Blues - Seconded and passed.  Thank you kind lady for your encouragement.Sharon - Hey beautiful woman. You are a wonder in your encouragement, always there and always caring. Your appreciation means a lot to me. Thank you for your kind words lovie. (oh, and I never cry...  )Me |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Christopher, I love the way you write poetry. I'd like to see much more of your work here. Thanks for sharing. Love to All, Ethel |
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Tammy Blessing Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 366PA |
Christopher I too especially loved this verse: climb. tally regrets carried forward toward one last mistake, where doubt sheltered in the palm of silence. You have a remarkable talent and I'll be looking forward to reading more of your works! Tammy |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
with nothing left to say she said she loved me and I shook the pain out of the lie. wow...I had to step back, this grabs me as I can relate it to my life''.... tonight, we dance; ten-second intervals of remembrance swirl into fantasy. So simple in 'terms' complexe through the eyes'' swallowing tarnish off the caged indifference around an empty core, I look to the sidewalk instead of the stars. here again as so many times before, you are """Killing me softly""" hugssssss you, I can always relate to your words, and the emotions you pull from this reader.....in your tender echo, you made me 'feel'  Deep inside the stillness ........I can hear you speak You're still an inspiration ........To me [This message has been edited by Greeneyes (10-29-2002 12:27 PM).] |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
quote: one of the best lines i've read in sometime. fits in nicely with the rest of the poem. cheers JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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reluctantlyme Junior Member
since 2002-10-28
Posts 34 |
with nothing left to say she said she loved me and I shook the pain out of the lie. and I look to the sidewalk instead of the stars. First verse, made me catch my breath. Second, made me smile. The sidewalk's not so bad a place to look for awhile. And much safer than the stars. I enjoyed reading and thinking about this poem. No matter how good looking she is... someone, somewhere is glad she's gone. |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
You continue to blossom as a writer, Christohper. Always a pleasure to read your work, even when it's this poignant. Cor |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
tonight, we dance; ten-second intervals of remembrance swirl into fantasy. Chris, when I read this poem the one word that came to mind is whisper. These words have a very quiet emotive grace. Whisper on. The ladders of life that we scale merrily Move mysteriously around So that when you think you're climbing up, man In fact you're climbing down-Nick ca |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
The title alone is good stuff, Christopher...and this "with nothing left to say she said she loved me and I shook the pain out of the lie." Very impressive writing! |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
'tally regrets carried forward toward one last mistake, where doubt sheltered in the palm of silence.' I am also impressed by this poem, Christopher...really got the rusty old wheels turning...(don't 'cha hate when that happens??) Great write though! sp  I want to wake up to the sound of waves |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
Chris, I agree that you have a special talent-- it is always a pleasure to read your poetry. This poem was me two weeks ago, so it really hit home. Looking forward to reading more. caterina |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
~sneaking in~ In all honesty, I've not been in a poetry mood the last few days (too full of other literary crap I guess hah)...but I was kinda there when you wrote it - if not in form, then some kind of distanced connection. (Now, isn't that familiar)...but being poetry-uninclined I'm not going to critique this, don't think I'd have anything to say bar: ack, fullstops after one word, ack. And I'm sure you're damn sick of hearing that. Curious about one thing though - why do you drop the first person pronoun out of the 'tally regrets carried forward' line? And then include the fpp in the other stanzas? Jumps out at me.. oh right, but I'm not critiquing... This love: 'quiet: yesterday's echo was solemn, whisper-burnished' yes, if I separate parts from the whole...this part grabs me, possibly because I like the word echo so much in poetry. And I'm fond of dashes... the whole? Hugs to that 85%, and yeah - it works this one. Another spark from the pen you wield... hugs bella  K~sneaking out~ [This message has been edited by Severn (10-31-2002 02:34 AM).] |
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Kristine Member
since 2002-10-30
Posts 92Mahal Kita!!! |
This is beautiful!!! |
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smitty-j Member
since 2002-09-13
Posts 72Florida, USA |
This is really good...especially liked your final line, quite a punch in those few words. Cheers J Julie |
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dougsbird21 Member
since 2002-11-08
Posts 52London(from TX though) |
OOH! I like this poem--and coming from me who is VERY critical of poems and find most of them lacking, that's a real compliment...lol! I like the last line of the poem about looking at the sidewalk instead of the stars....nicely put. Write what you feel, not what u think you should feel. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
One of the best I've read. Chris, your eyes may be on the sidewalk, but the heart of your writing soars. |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Hey Bud - Long Time no see - when ya comin' down anyway??? All in all I thought this a great piece, Chris, except for may the "swallowing tarnish" thing - for some reason that rubbed me wrong - don't really have a reason but then that's why I don't often offer critique. Anyway, just thought I'd drop off my two cents - read a few of yours - liked this one the best. Hope to see ya soon. Michael |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Christopher this speaks to the reader and pulls them in making them want to linger over every word and absorb it. This is poetry that can't just be read, it needs to be felt. It is a extraordinary write and I hope that no one misses this, as they would be missing one of the finest pieces that I have ever read, anywhere. Do I like it. You betcha, it's a  |
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Sandpiper Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738land of flora and fauna |
What can I say except--amazing!! |
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mrmuse New Member
since 2002-11-10
Posts 6 |
nice one m8 |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
garysgirl - i love it when people love the way i write poetry. thank you for sharing your thoughts in return Tammy - thank you for your comments, i'll see if i can come up with something more to post. Lauren - we seem to be able to relate to each other a lot... which either means we're both darn good poets or just think along similar lines - which do you think?  J - thanks you... one of those that feels for a long time after. reluctantlyme - i don't really look at the sidewalk, but i admit to having that desire time to time... as you say, it's a lot safer. thank you Cor - always a pleasure to have you stop by. peace Brian - whisper is what i was going for - a quiet review. thank you sir Martie - hugs you, thanks. snowpants - naw, i love it when the wheels turn... lets me know i'm still alive! cat - working on it - sorry to hear you've a personal association with this, but it's good as well... growth comes in many packages, eh? K - cope. i like fullstops / one words... so you can stomach it for a time... i imagine it'll only be a matter of time before you change your mind (again, lol) and come back around to liking it. as to the first person pov - S1 & S3 were 'designed' to be viewed from either perspective... a world perspective, kind of. it's something both parties can associate with, soemthing the "speaker" is recognizing through this piece. personally, i don't think this is all that great (85% eh...  ). hugs you  Kristine - thank you smitty-j - punch-lines are my trademark... sometimes the only 'good' part of my poems. *grin* thanks dougsbird21 - very critical? lol, i can understand that. then i thank you for your appreciation of this mild piece. Midnitesun - thanks you, for the read and the compliment. warms me cold heart tonight. Mike - thanks bud. i know you don't drop by often, and it's appreciated when you do... i'll look at the part you mentioned, though i think it's ok. i'll be writing as soon as i determine a time to drop in on y'all. peace to thee Gentle Spirit - wow... stunned here. thank you for such glowing praise. makes me want to be humble for a moment or two. Sandpiper - what can i say except - thank you. mrmuse - thanks for visiting and welcome to Passions! Chris |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...James |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
NOW do you know what I mean about the 85%? Twit... smiling at you... K |
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