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Teen Poetry #6
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my boy
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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my boy |
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wvplayernotreally Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 215yakima wa 
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Huddled crying sniffing shaking cock pull bang silence sirens lights crowds weeping holding strecher speeding beeping heaven funeral mourning hugging stories pictures talking Highschool classes books friends cars lunch dances football basketball baseball games movies kissing back to life Something my love, my baby will never go through. Looking from heaven over me. Smiling big....oh God his smile. " I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking." |
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| © Copyright 2002 Malloree - All Rights Reserved | |||
Riley 
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Ok, lets see how I can do this. I am not exspecially attached to the way you wrote this. It was hard to read the words going straight down. But I could see a message in there, and it was a good one. For that I applaud you. I liked the message. But it lacked a certain depth that you could have. I have read some of your other poetry and this isn't as good, but with a little work, it could be. Thanks for the read.  Riley Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you...... |
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rm711 Member
since 2002-11-30
Posts 131Wiltshire, England |
Amazingly powerful I really loved it The structure works really well Makes it very strong Well done  Rosie Mitchell |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
woah i so love that style right on!! you either like me for who i am or you don't like me at all |
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