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cutie2005
Member

since 2000-04-30

Posts 148
Bennett, Colorado USA

0 posted 2002-11-27 05:32 PM

I love you

I love you in so many ways,
To many ways to even claim.
Your the best thing to ever happen to me,
You jumped into my world,
and it hasn't been the same!

Your sensual kiss makes my stomach fly away,
being in your arms makes my heart fill with joy.
And just your appearance makes my heat beat faster,
Knowing your so much closer.

This feels like a fairy-tell yet it's really not,
But you are my prince and I love you a lot.
It's going to last forever, I just know it will,
A lot of memrios in the future we will fill.

I want you to know,
I love you dear,
And there's nothing to ever fear!
I'm hear by your side,
With Love sparkaling in my eyes.

If you love someone you would go to the end of the world for them!

[This message has been edited by cutie2005 (11-27-2002 06:26 PM).]

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

1 posted 2002-11-27 05:43 PM

I can only see one problem here:
the second line of the second stanza is a bit wordy. you might want to try and cut that down a little. I think it throws off the rhythm of the poem.

Obviously, you dont have to listen me because I am no expert and my opinion is just that, an opinion. anyhoo, good poem.

cutie2005
Member

since 2000-04-30

Posts 148
Bennett, Colorado USA

2 posted 2002-11-27 06:28 PM

Thanks, I fixed it a little bit, I hope that helped!!! Thankyou for the help, i was kind of thinking that myself!

If you love someone you would go to the end of the world for them!

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

3 posted 2002-11-28 10:32 PM

This was alright...maybe a couple of cliched lines bu otherwise pretty good

Riley

Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

Genuine_Canadian_Man
Junior Member

since 2002-10-07

Posts 11
Timmins, Ontario, Canada

4 posted 2003-07-13 05:00 PM

This is an awesome poem. I'm a writer myself...I write more scripts/stage plays than I do poems, but poems like inspire me to write more poems and more poeticly.

Thank you for posting such a wonderful poem.

Matt
Genuine Canadian Man

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

5 posted 2003-07-13 10:08 PM

first two lines in the third stanza...seemed very forced. The ryhming in this piece was very forced. I think you would be better off writing free verse for now..it opens up a lot of good ideas, without the restriction. The poem is cute...but very cliche.
~Lex..

[This message has been edited by Lexy (07-13-2003 10:09 PM).]

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