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PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

0 posted 2002-09-21 11:48 PM

I thought it was all fake,
until i felt your body against mine.
It isn't love..
it can't be.
This can't be for me...
I draw away.

I thought you were fake,
until you wrapped around me.
it isn't real..
but not nearly fake.
This cannot be true...
I can never fall for you.

I thought life was meaningless,
until touched by you.
your arms arched around me,
and then..
a sweet taste apon my lips..
I never thought it'd come to this.

I'm giving into you...
if you fall away from me,
I'll shatter.
I'll never mend.
I've giving into you...
If you step down from me,
I'll ...

"I didn't feel so bad till the sun went down. Then I come home..
No one to wrap my arms around."
-white.stripes-
-dead.leaves.and.the.dirty.ground

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

1 posted 2002-09-21 11:50 PM

I once felt that way..............Liked this brought back memories

~*Azi*~

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

2 posted 2002-09-22 12:16 PM

hey sara this is really good. it kinda made me feel sad. it is so beautifully written and i wasjust pondering the fact that i have yet to have a first kiss. i hope that my first kiss is as wonderful as this poem. i can only dream.....(sigh)**

LadyDracaWolf
Member

since 2002-09-19

Posts 73
CA

3 posted 2002-09-22 12:22 PM

To quote the poem, "The Summer of Sixteen" (I can't remember the exact title), "We did not exist beyond the gaze of a boy." (I'm quoting from a poem I read three months ago, so if I get it wrong, bear with me). Perhaps its true for some that we cannot exist beyond those that we passionately love, and yet somehow, exist without them, although only half of our soul is there. When someone we truly love discovers that they love us back, that is truly one of the greatest rewards in life.

Death is not extinguishing the light;
it is putting out the lamp
because the dawn has come.

Rabindranath Tagore
Poet, Philosopher, Nobel Laurea

[This message has been edited by LadyDracaWolf (09-22-2002 12:22 AM).]

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

4 posted 2002-09-22 02:24 AM

This was really good.
The form flowed really nicely and the imagery came without much thought.

Congrats.

Michelle

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2002-09-22 12:33 PM

I truly enjoyed this. The way the narrator is constantly questioning herself came across very well. I think it's appropriate how you trailed off in the end, too.

A good choice of structure, theme, font style and icon.