Teen Poetry #6 |
Your Being |
CloudedDreams Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 210My Fantasy Realm |
Before I start, I'd like to say I am still new at this and this is my first time posting a poem on a forum. Enjoy! Your Being Your eyes How simple yet so great With a simple glance I am swept away I wish i could stare forevermore Into your pools of blazing copper Your Hands So strong, yet so gentle always there for a caring touch Or a playful punch How I loved to be caressed By your soft and nimble fingers Your arms Strong and supportive Freely gives a friendly hug Or a loving embracce You can always hold me up You will never let me fall Your Spirit So light and carefree always protecting me Like a guardian angel, that you are sent from the great heavens To guide our souls to destiny I hope you respond and give me suggestions that I could use in the future, thanks for the time |
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© Copyright 2002 Eliza K. - All Rights Reserved | |||
quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i really enjoyed how you explored the most crucial aspects of this person. the emotions ran very deep in this piece, and it was a very strong entrance into passions. before long, you'll get used to posting in the forums. feel free to explore the whole site, there's so much more than just teen. welcome to passions!! can't wait to see more. /jen/ i'm so bitterly disappointed. betty, i think it's time you leave now. |
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Lisa_bebe15 Member
since 2001-11-15
Posts 151Florida |
That was very good. I can SO relate to your peice here..maybe u should read some of mine..I dont write much, cuz I can't write like normal poets..anyways..that was very nice for your first post.. "Water Over Matter" |
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lildevil Junior Member
since 2002-11-21
Posts 47missouri,usa |
i liked what you wrote i know every one say that they can so relate to what you wrote but i mean it |
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lildevil Junior Member
since 2002-11-21
Posts 47missouri,usa |
i really liked this poem i am in a realationship right now and what you wrote gets right to the piont i will probably show it to him latter |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
CloudedDreams~ I really enjoyed reading this. I like how you broke it down and elaborated on specific characteristics...very nice. Welcome to Passions! ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
first of all.. WELCOME TO PASSIONS!! I like how you took each thing and said described what they meant to u and everything...i thought that was nice. Great format and im looking forward to reading more from you Check your e-mail for a special greeting! Standing on the edge of the world |
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NSnaomian Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232In my troll closet I be |
Once again, Welcome! You will definitely get used to posting, its fun to see what people think of your poems. Very good one to start off with. You showed very deep emotion in this and I loved it all! Will definitely be looking forward to reading much more from you in the future. Laura "I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful." |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
* smiles at critique message * WELCOME TO PASSIONS Great first post.....will write more later. I am leaving in abuot 2 min. once again welcome and great first post. Riley ~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~ |
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PrincessNets Member
since 2002-10-30
Posts 103NewYork, USA |
Welcome to Passions! Great first post. I really enjoyed reading it and I can really relate to the meaning of the poem. I look forward to reading more of your poetry. -Jeanette- |
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Stinky Twinkie Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 204Dinwiddie |
that was rippin. I enjoyed reading it, good descriptions (not sure if that is the word I'm looking for) |
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rxyfxy04 Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 54lil' town in Virginia |
(yes stinky, that is the word) i really like ur 1st poem.. im new here too. Welcome, good job! RxyFxy04 |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
That was a truly beautiful poem, thank you for your reply to Frederick, this is the first of yours that I've read, since I've been gone on vacation I haven't been around pip for a week or so. But I have to say I truly enjoyed your poem, it was a wonderful 1st post and I'll be looking for more of yours. WinterWren |
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LTEvans Member
since 2002-12-06
Posts 72Lenham, England |
Intresting structure to the poem. I like the way you have offset the first line of every stanza/verse it makes it seem like each verse has its own title, which I hope was the effect you where looking for. Excuse me while I find a women and drag her back to my cave.... Solipsism saves us from the atavism of the Equalitarian. |
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