Simple And Stupid Fantasies

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StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

0 posted 2002-09-21 12:01 PM

Move out here,
It'll be fun,
I can show you off,
To all my friends,
Correction: OUR friends,
At least they will be.
We could take a walk,
Around the neighborhood,
So everyone will know,
That I'm with you,
You're with me.
Maybe you could live,
In that house across the street,
We could watch each other,
Late at night,
Through our bedroom windows,
I could sneak out,
And spend the night with you,
Doesn't that sound like fun?
You know it does.
I could play with your hair,
You could tell me I'm pretty,
We could...
This is stupid,
None of this will ever happen.

"I've got nothing left to hide except for what's inside. I keep it all locked up in this prison we call love."-Sugarcult

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

1 posted 2002-09-21 12:05 PM

this poem is really kewl. i can realate to it. i thought it was unique how u wrote it and how you well constructed it which i guess means the same thing as wrote..but anyway. this poem is really good. i just find it uncanny how much i relate to it! lol. like u care anyway... keep writing

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-09-21 11:57 AM

You know something, I have no clue what I like about this poem... but I also felt it was really cool, for some reason.  The whole time through it felt optimistic, but yet almost sarcastic... the tone was very trivial in this poem.

At the end, I was left wondering on the content... reading it through a second time.  I think it's something to do with the small line sizes and the simple, detached notions you express a desire for.

Your title needs work.  Giving this a more vague title would help that element of undecided tone.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

LadyDracaWolf
Member

since 2002-09-19

Posts 73
CA

3 posted 2002-09-22 12:27 PM

Fantasies are what you make of them, even if they are stupid at the time. But when time passes, you may look at your fantasies, and realize that they have come closer to what you had wanted to achieve in the first place.

Death is not extinguishing the light;
it is putting out the lamp
because the dawn has come.

Rabindranath Tagore
Poet, Philosopher, Nobel Laurea

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

4 posted 2002-09-22 07:14 AM

this had a lovley tender quality to it, I really like the tone of this piece, flows very well, anyway well done,

Anya

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

5 posted 2002-09-22 09:29 AM

the ending kinda made me laugh.

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

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