Excuse Me While I Kill The Sky

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StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

0 posted 2002-11-15 07:47 PM

Count the stars in the sky,
Multiply that by the look in your eyes,
And Divide by all the secrets I hide from you.
Take that answer,
And subtract yourself.
((Wait. You've already done that step.))
What do you have now?
Me,
A bunch of stars,
((I've never seen such ugly stars..))
And an innumerable amount of things I should've told you.
((Is it too late to subtract me from the equation too?))

"Into this sea of waking dreams, I follow without pride. Nothing stands between us here and I won't be denied."-Sarah McLachlan

jennilynn
Junior Member

since 2002-11-11

Posts 29
here with me

1 posted 2002-11-15 10:00 PM

I like the metaphor in this. good write.
~Jen~

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2002-11-15 11:57 PM

it's actually really sad...it's hard when you know some things that were never said, should have been....I liked this

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

3 posted 2002-11-16 04:00 AM

I too enjoyed this one, it speaks to "what if" really well and I loved your use of metaphors to get the feelings across in this, well done indeed!

Let there be peace on earth,
and let it begin with me.

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

4 posted 2002-11-16 10:03 AM

This is great....not what I expected from the title but still..wow. I love the metaphor in this. Its so skyie ( if that is even a word )

Good Job,

Riley

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

boy and his spirit
Junior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 41
within my heart

5 posted 2002-11-17 12:26 PM

this poem gave me chills.
physically, im wondering exactly how you can multiply a number by an eye, which has no numerical substance to it at all.
even if this is poetry, it still needs to make sense.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

6 posted 2002-11-17 12:35 PM

boy and his sprit needs to learn how to speak kindly or be quiet....it is poetic...
be careful of the rocks you throw when you live in a glass house my dear....

boy and his spirit
Junior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 41
within my heart

7 posted 2002-11-17 12:43 PM

didnt say it wasnt poetic.
i only said it was physically unsound.
BESIDES:
StellarChica encourages Constructive Critiques: "Say whatever you want..I don't care. "

she doesnt care anyways. back off

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

8 posted 2002-11-17 12:48 PM

"even if this is poetry, it still needs to make sense."

that sounds to me like you are saying you don't think it's poetic.

I did read that she doesn't care, but you still need to be nice, it's in the guidelines you agreed to when becoming a member of this site...if you'll check you'll note too, that I happen to be a moderator for this forum....

boy and his spirit
Junior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 41
within my heart

9 posted 2002-11-17 12:58 PM

I'm sorry. this poem was GREAT. it BLEW ME AWAY. I was so AMAZED. you are such a TALENTED WRITER. one day i hope i can be JUST LIKE YOU. did I mention i LOVE this POEM!!!! its so GOOD!
I love YOU and YOUR WORK. have SUCH a GREAT YEAR!!!!!!

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

10 posted 2002-11-17 11:44 AM

Hi Sea!! Boy and his spirt: poetry doesn't always have to be phiscally sound, its poetry. just my two cents. O and once again, i love all the math, even though i stink at it but thats alright!

Riley

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

11 posted 2002-11-17 04:46 PM

yes I liked this......
Boy and his spirit: what is wrong with you, do you have a trillion personalities? Just look at his replys!

"Sticks and stones will break my bones,
But words will break my heart"

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

12 posted 2002-11-18 12:26 PM

First off, I know I haven't been around in a while, but this is begging for my attention and I'm sorry it's not the poem I'm talking about. The poem was good no doubt and I liked the obscure reference, but I think Boy was well within his rights to state such a simple observance. Even more so since StellarChica had she doesn't care what someone says. He was just expressing his opinion, which is pretty much what this entire website is about, sharing opinions. I mean seriously, what point is there in posting if all u ever expect to hear is something along the lines of Boy's last post.
Truthfully when I'm not sure I like a poem much I just don't post to it but, Boy in all his wonderful idealism has decided to utilize his right to do so, even more so when the person posting the poem specifically stated "Say whatever you want..I don't care. "

Just my two cents.

Aaron Woodside

There are no great men, only men in great circumstances.

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

13 posted 2002-11-18 01:03 AM

Sorry, I'm posting again but I thought of more.  First off SEA I don't have problem with you but you seem a bit confused in your reading of the guidelines.

"Arguing against a concept or idea, even vehemently, is a good thing. Attacking the supporters of that concept or idea is a bad thing (even if the attack is subtle and indirect). Asking others to listen to your viewpoints and consider your arguments is a good thing. Refusing to listen to the viewpoints and arguments of others, simply because they contradict your own beliefs, is a bad thing. Conveying positive emotions (this is what X does for me) is a good thing. Conveying negative emotions can also be a good thing, but all too often becomes a bad thing (I hate Y)."

As taken from the forum guidelines.

Boy only stated that he didn't like the one point of the poem simply because in his eyes it didn't make sense, he didnt attack the author in any way.  He didn't seem unwilling to listen to someone else's opinions, in fact that seemed to be YOU doing that. Yes he conveyed a negative message but it was welcomed by the author in her criticism message and he didn't pursue the point in excess.  So by all the forum guidelines he was perfectly in his right to post what he did.

Nowhere in the guidelines, does it state

"but you still need to be nice, it's in the guidelines you agreed to when becoming a member of this site."

Finally, I don't think that the fact of you threatening Boy...

"if you'll check you'll note too, that I happen to be a moderator for this forum...."

...was very appropriate or followed the guidelines for the site.  I'm sorry but in my eyes, if anyone was in fault of the guidelines it was you.

Aaron Woodside

There are no great men, only men in great circumstances.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

14 posted 2002-11-18 02:13 AM

Aaron, have you checked out some of Boys' other replies to other poems?

I am a Knight who says Ni!

boy and his spirit
Junior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 41
within my heart

15 posted 2002-11-18 07:12 PM

what do any of my other replies have to do with this one??
and thank you aaron. those were among some points that i emailed to SEA.

StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

16 posted 2002-11-18 10:20 PM

Please. Continue arguing. I like having 15 or so replies..So please, carry on.

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

17 posted 2002-11-18 10:54 PM

LOL... Here's a reply... I loved the poem!

It was beautiful, regardless of whether or not it made sense to anyone else.

Kielo

According to statistics, a man eats a prune every twenty seconds. I don't know who this fellw is, but I know where to find him.
-Morey Amsterdam

Stained Glass
Junior Member

since 2002-11-14

Posts 10
Why Georgia

18 posted 2002-11-22 01:15 PM

Wow! I dont know why but I had to read this one a couple of times. I liked it that much! Sometimes unspoekn words hurt the most of all.

"Zoom in as they burn the past to the ground and feel the heat of the future's glow..." Jonathan Larson - RENT

Jose Marti
Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 374
washing DC

19 posted 2002-11-22 03:01 PM

i liked this poem
i think its what we all think of in post break-up
when we loose some one we really cared about

rimmie
Junior Member

since 2002-08-09

Posts 45
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

20 posted 2002-11-22 03:02 PM

OH MY!!! This was amazing I LOVED it!!! I felt that the metaphors you used were great and worked amazingly! Great job and I hope everything works out!

~RuZ~

StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

21 posted 2002-11-22 11:07 PM

Thank you all so much. I've never gotten such a big response for one of my poems and even if a lot of was arguing, I still appreciate it.

*~erin~*

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

22 posted 2002-11-23 02:13 AM

Your welcome, and by the way sorry about the arguing, It just struck a nerve a bit. This poem is good and I like it alot as I think I've already said. The only thing I dont personally like all that well is the stars comment but that's just me and my crazy ideas about the stars. Keep it up and I hope to read more from you soon.

ex animo,
Aaron Woodside

There are no great men, only men in great circumstances.

A2J
Junior Member

since 2002-11-22

Posts 43
South Africa

23 posted 2002-11-23 06:10 AM

I would just like to say that I really enjoyed the poem. It is great.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

24 posted 2002-11-23 10:14 AM

Count the stars in the sky,
Multiply that by the look in your eyes,
===================================
I just love those lines..perfect opening hook
to set up your theme...
that is a very very cool metaphor and inspire...the whole write is unique and cleverly conceived.... to me, that second line is the heart and centerpiece of the poem,
its a "I wish I had wrote that" kind of line.
very cool write SC.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
but stay awhile, maybe then you'll see
a different side of me

MB20

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

25 posted 2002-11-23 11:39 AM

WOW! I haven`t read much of yur stuff but I am sooo glad that I didnt pass this by! This was an "I wish I wrote that" poem!!!! What an awesome poem!!!!!
*Allison*

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

26 posted 2002-11-23 04:58 PM

'paint the sky with stars'.

good write, thanks for sharing.

/jen/

i'm so bitterly disappointed. betty, i think it's time you leave now.

lildevil
Junior Member

since 2002-11-21

Posts 47
missouri,usa

27 posted 2002-11-23 09:04 PM

the poem is great to bad so many of the post had to be arguments over some ones opinions but either way it was really great

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

28 posted 2002-11-25 01:09 AM

StellarChica~
Okay, so I'm a little slow in replying, but I've
been reading this piece over and over since you
posted it...it's THAT good.
I just absolutely love the whole write, and
I definately agree with JM about the opening lines.
The entire piece is just excellent and I can't
say enough about it...truly impressive and a
VERY enjoyable read.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

29 posted 2002-11-25 02:03 PM

This was an awesome and creative piece...really enjoyed it.

Standing on the edge of the world
Now I don’t want you to catch me
I want you to let me
Stand up here and walk on my own

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

30 posted 2002-11-28 10:57 PM

:-)

Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

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