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AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

0 posted 2002-09-20 10:47 PM

The title doesn't really fit the poem in context...it has it's own meaning really that does relate to the poem but not at face value (if that makes any sense...)

We felt the earth,
Black and torrid
Beneath our weary feet.
So long we walked this road together,
Ankles tied like our souls.
Now
The road forks,
One to the left one to the right.
Your eyes betray you.
I want left,
You want right.

I feel the earth,
Bare and foreign
Beneath my calloused feet.
I walk this road alone,
Tied only to my own shadow.
In the distance
I hear crying.
Your tears stain your cheeks,
Body crumpled, broken.
But like any spectator sport,
I can only watch.

You feel the earth,
Cold and unforgiving
Beneath your desperate hands.
You cry this road alone,
Tied only to your pain.
Love
Was always too tough,
Lovers never enough to fill that void.
You should have chosen left.
You feel eyes,
They can only watch.

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

1 posted 2002-09-20 11:45 PM

this is a really nice poem! i like the whole theme and idea of it. i can just picture it and feel the emotions running through your poem. keep writing because i really enjoyed this poem!

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-09-21 11:53 AM

I am completely floored by this.  What an absolutely outstanding poem... the images are fantastic... your wording, your structure... all simply wonderful.  I love how you revisited your established themes, such as "(verb) this road alone," or your references to the cold earth.

Your description of the earth is what really struck me.  A sense of earthbound misery is definitely a suiting element to this work.

I find the title is appropriate, however, it is quite cynical when you consider the content of the poem.

I'm adding this to my personal library. As you once said to me... you are a poet, Michelle.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

3 posted 2002-09-23 04:45 AM

"They can only watch"

Love it!

I have a lizard, and his name is Jake.

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