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LadyDracaWolf
Member

since 2002-09-19

Posts 73
CA

0 posted 2002-09-22 12:54 PM

A daisy, perchance,
Light of life caught in it's,
Petals.

Perhaps it is alone,
In the cold cruel world,
Stretching it's beautiful wings,
Into the nonexistant sun.

But it knows it has friends,
Somewhere in the home of the emerald field,
Blades of grass swishing in the wind.

But, like us, it waits apprehensively,
For the coming storm.
It waits, not knowing weither it would be.
Destroyed or made again by the falling water.

Life vibrates throughout each of us.
From the smallest daisy, to king of the animals,
It is the one thing that binds, holds,

Us together.
Friends or strangers (friends we haven't met).

Death is not extinguishing the light;
it is putting out the lamp
because the dawn has come.

Rabindranath Tagore
Poet, Philosopher, Nobel Laurea

[This message has been edited by LadyDracaWolf (09-22-2002 12:57 AM).]

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

1 posted 2002-09-22 02:19 AM

Wow, this one is really, really, really good there was a beautiful honesty here that really made it special.
I especailly liked the stanza about the daisy not knowing if the storm was going to kill it or provide it with re-birth.

The only thing I would say is that a revise of punctuation may make it flow a little easier, at times I had to ignore the punctuation you'd used and just carry the line on. There was a feeling that that was your intention but written evidence proved other wise.

But this is an excellent poem none the less. Congrats.

Michelle.

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

2 posted 2002-09-22 07:04 AM

I am impressed with this, I thought there was some good and well crafted imagery in here, well done

Anya

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-09-22 12:41 PM

I love all of this. Start to finish, this is a masterful work of poetry.

quote:
Perhaps it is alone,
In the cold cruel world,
Stretching it's beautiful wings,
Into the nonexistant sun.

That is extremely well phrased. Perhaps there is no warmth out there, no matter how much we reach for it... and where there is nothing to recieve our beauty, beauty is really meaningless.

The only constructive criticism is not to begin two successive stanzas with "but," and to maybe rephrase the last line... I didn't think that parenthesis were a good way to finish this poem.

Of course, those are just what I could dig up. A wonderful piece of writing, here.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

LadyDracaWolf
Member

since 2002-09-19

Posts 73
CA

4 posted 2002-09-23 10:15 AM

Yeah, I know I could've worked a little more on the grammar, but I was really sick when I wrote this, but somehow it turned out okay.
Thank you for your comments.

Death is not extinguishing the light;
it is putting out the lamp
because the dawn has come.

Rabindranath Tagore
Poet, Philosopher, Nobel Laurea

[This message has been edited by LadyDracaWolf (09-23-2002 10:21 AM).]

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