Teen Poetry #6 |
Under the big blue top |
wvplayernotreally Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 215yakima wa |
Under the Big Blue Top Isn't it amazing How so many things can collide? My eyes are straining to see the beutiful things that flood my mind I want to take in everything Smell the perfume of life see the things my eyes are far less keen too to feel the softness of the passing wind But, why was i choosen to feel these things to live a life i am not worthy of i see daily people living like a manufactured being not taking time out to feel I was chosen to feel under the big blue top to understand things not in my own understanding its an amazing feeling, why should i stop? to live a life unfull filled in my meaning less life I feel for me under the sky not for my teachers for my mom i can't mearly let these things pass me by in my simple exsistance under the big blue top Things are not always as they seem under the big blue sky,Keep that in mind |
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© Copyright 2002 Malloree - All Rights Reserved | |||
anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Welcome to Passions! Wonderful first post. You've explored some great emotions here with a steady repetition. It will be nice to have another addition to the board. Remember to reply as well as post around here. You will find people respond to your work much better if you acknowledge others. Thanks for posting. ~AF~ Consider yourself added to the hitlist. |
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anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
What a great first post and welcome to Passions, I genuinly will look forward to seeing more from you, I really loved the lines 'my eyes are straining to see the beautiful things that flood my mind', a lovley image you created there, anyway this poem had a very unusual quality to it whichI enjoyed very much, anyway well done Anya |
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NSnaomian Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232In my troll closet I be |
I would have to, first off, say Welcome to Passions! Then, secondly that my favorite part of this I think is "I want to take in everything Smell the perfume of life" I enjoyed that bit, along with the rest. Good Work. Laura "I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful." |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!! Hope you enjoy replying, sharing, etc. with all of us. Great first post. ....see more from ya soon.. Ri ~*Pain strikes my heart, water drips down my face, I now stand in front of you, full of shame and disgrace*~ |
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Auguste
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
Welcome to Passions! I very much enjoyed your poem and look forward to reading more of you. Please look for a special greeting in your e-mail. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Haha, great critique message. So true. You'll see people either doing one or the other in here an awful lot. Well if I had to critique anything, I'd have to say... don't say "mom" in the last stanza, it makes the poem seem less professional in a way. If you say "mother" it will seem a lot more like a big people poem, know what I mean? Yeah, that's it... Looking forward to seeing more from you. Welcome to Passions. Have fun reading, replying and sharing with the rest of us in here. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. ~Aldous Huxley [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (11-10-2002 12:55 AM).] |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
wvplayernotreally~ Welcome to Passions! This is an excellent first post, and I really enjoyed reading it. I'll be looking for lots more from you. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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