Laconic (challenge 2) - pipTalk Forums

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Teen Poetry #6

Laconic (challenge 2)

laconic
Member

since 2002-02-17

Posts 64
Melbourne, Australia

0 posted 2002-11-04 05:09 AM

Legacy of a young heart, lost in the wind
An arrow of hope, it majestically streams
Closer it comes its target within
Optics on ready for its future its seen
Navigations are set the arrow has guidance
In its father it has learned well, lessons undying
Caught in the moment the arrow has struck, pioneering the way for the next arrow to start.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-11-04 04:03 PM

Very, very nice. The poem has an epic feel about it, perhaps it is your choice of vocabulary, I'm not sure. I really like the description, and the way you made the end circle back to the beginning again.

Excellent answer to the challenge. Glad you took it up.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

2 posted 2002-11-05 02:58 PM

laconic~
I really enjoyed reading this.
You've done a great job with the form,
and this is an excellent response to the challenge.
Well done!
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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