KnightlyShadows (challenge2)

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Teen Poetry #6

KnightlyShadows (challenge2)

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2002-11-04 01:54 AM

Kindred spirit of far too few,
Niceties which speak too much.
Innocent in mind and soul,
Guarded wisdom; stolen thought.
Harnessed against all odds,
Tepid aura, guided blind.
Lost in own misfortune blight,
Yielded this sanctity awry.
Suspended in fathomed time,
Hallowed by shortened breathe.
Abanndoned in righteous awe,
Doomed with poisoned touch.
Oppressed, I give last breathe,
Withdrawn too late, too soon.
Shallow life; flows in ease.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-11-04 04:00 PM

Hmm... Tiff, the lines in this poem are a bit too individual for my tastes... each one of them is well done of course, but I think you should make an effort to have them fit together more nicely.

Still enjoyed reading this poem... interesting to see what you came up with.

Parasite

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2002-11-04 05:21 PM

*nods* I like this one. The lines may be individual, but it suits you

It definately suits you. Challange met

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

3 posted 2002-11-04 05:23 PM

i liked this...it was very beautifully written, i liked how the lines were put together (words) but i agree with LP that maybe they could flow together more

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2002-11-05 03:02 PM

knightlyshadows~
I enjoyed this very much.
You've done a great job on this, and it's
an excellent response to the challenge.
Challenge met!
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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