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Teen Poetry #6
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D(og). E(at). D(og).
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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D(og). E(at). D(og). |
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Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking 
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D(og). E(at). D(og). Rifle lies upon the field she's lost her fire and lies discarded her body smashed their hearts broken insatiable jaws devour in numbers to feed a growing appetite Rifle lies upon the field lost it's firer who lies discarded his body smashed her heart is broken insatiable jaws devour in numbers to feed a growing appetite Rifle lies upon the field lost in fire it lies discarded the body smashed the heart is broken. insatiable jaws devour in numbers to feed a growing appetite An explanation to follow soon  Andrew Always and forever [This message has been edited by Marshalzu (10-21-2002 04:16 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hmmmm the title repeats....the poem repeats... I liked the stanza's individually but did not comprehend why it all repeated. Help Zu! Help!  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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Surreal Junior Member
since 2002-10-21
Posts 35Paris |
Your title struck me right away. This was an interesting, abstract piece that I'm not sure I understand, however I did enjoy. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Andrew~ This is an extremely sad, but well written piece. I thought the repitition was very effective in this case. Overall, a very powerful and touching write. Well done. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Dude, is there something you're not telling me? *needs an explination* You are so my hero! |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I love your critique message. Makes me think of a high-school teacher giving someone an assignment. (  )Anyways.. I like this, Zu... not sure if I catch the meaning of D.E.D., but it kind of looks like "dead?" although if you wanted "dead" you probably would have called the poem "D(og). E(at). A(nother). D(og)." or something... Hmm... I'm trying to get the meaning of this without you handing it to me... what I'm seeing is a description of love as what has "insatiable jaws," to devour and tear into people, striking them without their will... You then talk about the rifle, as if it were a man involved, a woman involved, and the two of them collectively. I think the reason you use a "rifle" is to emphasize the briefness of the effect... when you fire a rifle, it's hardly a split second while the rifle is firing... but the impact of a rifle is so strong that its significance and influence extend far beyond this split second... That love is fleeting, and yet, it leaves its mark for a long time after it has taken effect... "Lost in fire" kind of perks my interest, too. So you're saying, these people lie broken because they were fired? I wonder how accurate my interpretation is... oh well... I'll learn soon enough what you really meant. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
This entire poem was influenced by the following two quotes. Germans Eat Dogs "Costello tells how the Brunswick Oels Jagers were "gifted with a canine appetite that induced them to kill and eat all dogs they could get a hold of..." The 95th had a pet dog named Rifle which accompanied them into action and dashed about barking as though it were all a grand game. He survived the bullets only to "be devoured by the insatiable jaws of the brunswickers" Sharpes Companion, Mark Adkin and "This was the first time I ever saw a German dog eating a roasted German Kraut. Ernest Hemmingway, "Across the river and into the trees", 1950 As you can see in the first a bunch of germans feast on the pet dog (Rifle) of the 95th Rifle Regiment. This was the influence for the first stanza where Rifle is that dog. The second stanza was influenced by the second quote which I really like combined with the first as it kind of gives me a sense of cosmic justice. The third is about a rifle, jammed or destroyed flung away by it's owner in the midst of battle. Then we have the repeat the "insatiable jaws, devour in numbers, to feed a growing appetite" can be taken two ways, they are the Brunswickers or the German dog eating the dead body or you can see them as the jaws of death that are never satisfied no matter how many people die. This probably leaves a lot of unanswered questions but I want to leave some element of interpretation to the reader. Andrew ps- I think I just confused myself |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
this reminded me so much of the novel 'where the red fern grows'. old dan and little ann. :: sigh :: you've gotten me all sad zu. it was amazingly written though. /jen/ to give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer. [ghandi] [This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-21-2002 05:35 PM).] |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
You're quirky, Andrew, and I like that about your writing. Always original, different, and unusual. Quirky is a trait I do indeed like. Bravo. Sincerely, Titus  "My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems." |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I think you just confused yourself as well  Anyway, thanks for that explination, it makes much more sense now that I'm awake and able to comprehend words such as "a" and "it" and so on and so forth. *grins* Now that I understand it...Dude, that is a really really interesting poem. I'm not sure I'm down with the subject, but you know why that is, so it's all good. If I were to be "objective", I would say that the flow was good and the structure was good and all that stuff, but I'm not objective, so I'll just say that it's very well-written, and believe me or not, you are a very talented young man. *takes the wrong end of the stick and burns it* You are so my hero! |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
Haha *I'm* quirky danniti!  OK, I officially hate your explanation Andypickles. Cuz when I read the poem, I took it oh-so-metaphorically, and really, it was meant to be literal. Ugh, you always seem to have a way of confusing the reader buds. Never mind though, I think you have a really good poem on your hands here. I can so totally relate this to my life and whatever the heck is going on in rigt now. Which is why I was disappointed when it really was about a dog eating a dog and not a man and woman consuming each other in the throes of their pride riddled self-angst. BLAH to you! Haha...You, dear, should have just went off and made this huge fairy tale about how it was about lovers breaking up or their love dying or something like that (or alien life forms which change sex every two minutes and eat puppies). Nevertheless, I *really* liked this, you have this unnerving way of writing the blatant truth and confusing us in the midst of your imagery. (If that makes any sense to you) (And, now, I must depart  )
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
does no one remember that book? ::gasps:: oh to go back to the sixth grade again. oh no wait, that would be terrible. nevermind. /jen/ what if they gave a war, and nobody came... |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I remember it! Did you ever see the movie? I liked the book better... I'm actually trying to find a bookstore that has it in stock. No luck so far... I'm so cute! |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Poems can be interpretted in many different ways and this one is no exception, to my mind there are two things going on with poery, the writer is looking for a release of emotion and the reader is looking for someone that can empathsise (sp?) with them. Now some people might take the fact that no one saw the meaning of their poem with offence but I'd rather think that my poem was vague enough to allow interpretation so that it actually touches people. So if you want to think of this as about being about two people feel free, I'm just glad you enjoyed it Andrew |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
Bumpers Are you scared? |
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