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Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

0 posted 2002-10-17 04:08 PM

Is it possible to sit on the edge of yourself?
I have...
Eagerness and exaustion go in stride out here,
Alone I wait, alone I sit,
Someone will bring me back one day,
I can feel it,
Racking my feeble bone with riddles,
Wavering so close to sundown.

When the sun goes down is when I truly lose,
Oh well...
Waisting the day, I have grown accustomed to,
Waisting away, now thats something to worry about,
Dong waste away on the edge of yourself,
while your out there, everything is open season,
Open...
To live or die,
When you waver so close to sundown.

gymnast
Member

since 2001-11-18

Posts 80
Scotland.

1 posted 2002-10-17 05:05 PM

nice poem

-i see it is your first entry here-WELCOME! I hope you like it here. I look forward to reading more of your poems, i like i like!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2002-10-17 05:20 PM

I liked this poem a lot. You did well on it and the message is pretty profound. I enjoyed the style you wrote in as well.
There was a typo in one of the lines near the ending, just informing you on that.
Hope to see you post and reply here more often!

Check your e-mail for a special message!

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

3 posted 2002-10-17 06:43 PM

ooh... i liked the tone in this piece. sounds very similar to a journal entry.

i especially loved the very first line.

good write and welcome to passions!!

can't wait to see more from you.

/jen/

at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin.

and then i read it.

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

4 posted 2002-10-17 08:18 PM

'Ello!! Welcome to Passions!!!! Enjoy! And welcome again and again!

Riley

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

5 posted 2002-10-17 10:23 PM

Thanks Everybody that really means a lot to me. Most of my friends think my poetry is just a bunch of hoo!!! haa!!! I hope to write more. Thanks again for the warm welcome.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

6 posted 2002-10-18 10:58 AM

I have to say that I quite enjoyed this piece. I like the theme... the way you described a sunset, and its implications... you've also used a good deal of powerful symbolism.

I commend you on this work. Well written.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

SailorFirebird
Junior Member

since 2002-10-21

Posts 16
15 Miles North of NoWhere

7 posted 2002-10-22 01:37 PM

very nice. never knew this side of you. really, thoroughly enjoyed it. hope to see more of yours.

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