Blissful Ms. Apple - pipTalk Forums

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Winston Froom
Junior Member

since 2001-11-28

Posts 32

0 posted 2002-10-01 11:12 PM

I do mind the gap
that so boldly divides
my knees from the feet
of Ms. Apple.

I do fear the gap
which is likely to haze
my eyes from the sight
of Ms. Apple.

See her frown when a < b
Don't feel down if you're not meant to be
Fancy the class of her rubber soles
Slip outside of your lonely soul.

No, I won't hide my love away,
I fear this time Sally won't wait.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-02 12:16 PM

This poem confuses the hell out of me. I read it a few times and all I can really see beneath all the unique wordings is a person that says he is afraid of losing touch with his love before it's too late, so he decides to put his love into motion.

I'm sorry if I'm being naive or shallow...

If that's truly all that you meant to express, then all the better for you... it's nice to be able to take something simple and build such an abstract representation of it.

One critical note - You had some great anapestic meter working in your favour in the first two stanzas. The closing pair of lines just doesn't seem to follow that, however... I felt that left the ending a little weak and disappointing.

Nice work otherwise.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (10-02-2002 12:20 AM).]

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

2 posted 2002-10-02 09:42 PM

Ok, the first times I glanced at this I got totally confused, then I slowed down got myself together and looked at it...which was quite hard, mind you....(

) I really did like this....it gave a hazy meaning across the first time, but if you slowly down you get it......and thats cool....I like searching for a meaning....gives me at least something to do......anywayz....yea, question: Is Sally Miss Apple or what? Cause if she is I totally got this...ok enough rambling.....

Miss Riley ( got the name from Parasite, friend LOL )

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

3 posted 2002-10-03 04:33 PM

i really enjoyed this piece.

however i'm feeling i need to go back and ponder it for a while, i took it a little too literally.

the one thing i didn't enjoy too much was the repetition of the sound of soul. can someone PLEASE tell me what word i'm trying to say? i'm falling asleep at three thirty in the afternoon and i CAN'T THINK. bleh. but i just don't think it fits [soles and soul].

excellent write, and keep it up.

oh, by the way. the last line really reminded me of that oasis song. 'don't look back in anger'. could it have been an inspiration? a starting place?

/jen/

i just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

4 posted 2002-10-03 08:27 PM

I have to agree with the rest of them and say this confused the hell outta me, too. Although, I think I follow the same line of thinking as Riley up there. It was a nice poem though!

After Love comes Pain, then Love, Then Pain, then Love, then Pain..... does anyone else see a pattern here? Oh well, can't say it's not worth it.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2002-10-11 01:20 PM

I BLESS THEE WITH MY 15,000 POST!!!!

Now to the poem, gentle sir. Very well written. Flowed nicely, but as for the content, HA! I laugh! For it was amazing to the amazing'st height upon a scale that height could ever reach *chuckles*

Enjoyed it muchly Mr. Froom.

This message has been brought to you by the letter 'Y'

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

6 posted 2002-10-21 09:17 PM

I quite liked this. Whether it be the forbidden teacher-student relationship level or the goddess and mortal level, it had a lot of meaning to it.

The last stanza reminded me of an Oasis song though...I cant remember the title to it, but it went along the lines of "oh sally can wait she knows its too late..."something something...

Nice Winston, very nice indeed.

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

7 posted 2002-10-22 01:20 AM

cherish is going on a reply spree!!

:

:

because i definitely think it's worth it.

::grins::

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

8 posted 2002-10-22 01:21 AM

gah!!

i used a smiley!

oh no...

::eyes dart around the room in pure panic::

eep.

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

Surreal
Junior Member

since 2002-10-21

Posts 35
Paris

9 posted 2002-10-22 01:17 PM

What I gathered was that this was a student-teacher relationship and I'm assuming Sally is Ms. Apple.  The tone of this seemed to be sarcastic to me, but that could just be the way that I interperted it.

Did you mean to use that whole twist at the end with the Oasis song?  I didn't really understand that part.

Interesting piece though.

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