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Teen Poetry #6

dying quickly in japan

poetik_punk
New Member

since 2003-05-30

Posts 8

0 posted 2003-08-25 03:03 PM

Tonight the song dies
it lived on for years a candle flickering in the wind
tonight this man cries
for he's lost his love, his life and soon to be his mind
Tonight all dies quickly in japan
with mishaps of yesteryear haunting his every thought
tonight all hope dies in this man
for he found that for the right price he could be bought
bloodshot eyes he now looks through
his ears are deafened by loss of cabin pressure
he see's the skys blood red no longer blue
his self worth he tries to measure
tongith all dies quickly in japan
for a man has lost the woman he treasures
tonight all dies quickly in this world
for tonight I scream my last scream for no longer will I feel pain for I am this man
so let him seclude himself and I, I will join him
in seclusion I will find him, and when I find him my self will also die

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

1 posted 2003-08-26 01:47 PM

May I be the first to welcome you to our hollowed halls! For a first piece this has an absolute explosion of feeling that just hit me right square in the chest. It has a sad, cynical feel to it that I enjoyed and could relate to overall lovely poem.
.:sidenote, you do have a few typing errors the the gramatical part of me picked up on!:.
~Live and Laugh~

The problem with resisting temptation is you never know if you'll get the chance again
~Bella~

Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member

since 2003-02-19

Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2003-08-26 03:05 PM

Welcome to Passions! and great first write!

poetik_punk
New Member

since 2003-05-30

Posts 8

3 posted 2003-08-26 05:10 PM

not new just new name

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