the death of a friend's friend

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neodymium
New Member

since 2003-08-03

Posts 3

0 posted 2003-08-17 04:36 PM

Steal from me everything that I ever had;
Take it for your own,
And I would be grateful,
To give to you all that is important to me
If only it would take away the hurt behind your eyes.
Your hurt hurts me more deeply than my own.
To see you cry is more than I can bear.
My own heart is nothing;
To feel it torn asunder,
Ripped to shreds,
By angry words,
Hatred,
Tragedy:
All of that matters not at all.
But to see your poor heart bleeding like it is—
That drives a silver shiver into my soul:
A pain that I have never felt,
A pain that I wish with all my being
I could spare myself from,
Because if I were spared that would mean you, too
Would be spared…
Oh and I would gladly take all your burdens upon my own shoulders,
Bear my own pain and yours as well
If only to relieve you from the hurt
That you should never have to feel.

My poor arrogant little boy:
I cannot spare you this;
I must let you cry.
All I can do is hold you as you do
And hope to make the burden lighter
This way.

eternalblu
Junior Member

since 2003-08-17

Posts 11
Pennsylvania, US

1 posted 2003-08-17 06:15 PM

That's really deep. It shows a lot. I also like depressing things...

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's easier to go
Then face all this pain here all alone...

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

2 posted 2003-08-17 10:18 PM

This was very depressing. I felt it the whole way through. Nice write.

"I would sleep forever, if it meant I'd never stop dreaming..."

wvplayernotreally
Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 215
yakima wa

3 posted 2003-08-18 02:26 PM

very emtional. Loved every bit of it. You want to help but you just can't s you said all you can do is hold them. It was tight

" I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking."

ljossberir
Member

since 2003-05-04

Posts 81
Ny, USA

4 posted 2003-08-19 01:02 AM

Lots of pain, lots of tears
somehow feeling it makes us all the stronger
I like how this poem revels in the misery of death but doesn't surrender what makes us all human and makes us all alive - compassion.
A powerful piece.

-matt

T-Bird
Junior Member

since 2003-07-02

Posts 17
Washington, United States

5 posted 2003-08-19 04:24 PM

That's a very strong piece. There was a boy that got shot by one of his friends at my school, and my friend was one of his friends, but not the one who shot him.

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

6 posted 2003-08-19 05:33 PM

This was a extremely deep and beautiful poem. I only have one suggestion:

Your hurt hurts me more deeply than my own.

Hurt twice in the same line seems a little much. Maybe you should change it to "Your pain hurts..." But that's only my opinion. Great job.

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

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