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Teen Poetry #6

Something (to rob)

forever.yours
New Member

since 2003-08-08

Posts 5

0 posted 2003-08-08 12:29 PM

So this will be my first post here under this name, I had one about a year ago, but that's besides the point..I wrote this for my boyfriend Rob for our anniversary..
"Something"

There's something about your eyes
And the way you look at me,
That tells me what you're giving
Is all I'll ever need.

There's something about your smile
And the way we laugh together,
That lets me know I love you
And I'm gonna feel that way forever.

There's something about your touch
And the way you hold me tight,
That makes me hate letting go
Cuz it just feels so right..

There's something about loving you
That puts faith back in what I didn't believe,
Love really does exsist
You're that something that makes me complete.

Stoic
New Member

since 2003-08-04

Posts 5

1 posted 2003-08-08 10:18 AM

nicely written,good imagery, and a touching poem welcome back

Stoic
New Member

since 2003-08-04

Posts 5

2 posted 2003-08-08 10:20 AM

nicely written,good imagery, and a touching poem welcome back

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

3 posted 2003-08-08 10:34 PM

This was a very good poem. One comment: the last stanza kind of throws off the rhythm due to the 2nd and 4th lines not quite rhyming. But none the less it was a great poem.

~J.Lynn

Your title, you might want to take out the 'to rob' part...it makes it sound like you are talking about shoplifting or something. LOL.

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

4 posted 2003-08-19 05:51 PM

*giggle* I was expecting another slightly sadistic, venting, because-I-hate-you poem. Ya know, the "Something (to rob)" thing. Hee... *grin*

Anyway, nice job... but I agree that the last stanza needs a teensy bit of editing.

I remember feeling that way... sometime, like, a long time ago. And you did an awful nice job of explaining how it feels.

-Lioness

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