A Night of Thought - pipTalk Forums

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sing'n fool
Member

since 2003-04-17

Posts 82
Morris, Il

0 posted 2003-08-16 02:49 PM

The sweet breath
of morning yet to come
echo's through the darkness
that remains.

Tranquil and still is the night
that allows my mind to wonder.
Thoughts come and go
like a ship passing in the night.

Some thoughts I dare to think
and others I dare to dream.
Still my mind has a chance to lead
and I can only follow.

No sleep for me now
though my body is in shambles
and worn out like an old eraser.

My mind is active like a three year old.
Thoughts just seem to leap into my head
as if they were there all along
just waiting there turn.

Thoughts drag on and burn out
as a candles last flicker
and my mind tires.

Soon the battle of thoughts will be expired
and then so too will I.

Be yourself. Say what you feel. Nothing is wrong. To your own self be real!!

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2003-08-16 04:04 PM

yeah, sometimes I wish my mind would just stop racing. But if it did then there would be no reason to live. This was very well done. I enjoyed.

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

2 posted 2003-08-16 08:00 PM

OMG! This was perfect! It's crazy how thoughts can keep one from falling asleep. Thanks for the read, def. going into my library! ~Jess

"At the touch of love, everything becomes a poem." -Plato

Xelorz
Junior Member

since 2003-08-16

Posts 10
Burlington, Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2003-08-16 10:32 PM

I can relate. I enjoy sitting out in the night and just letting my mind wander. The tranquility and new perspective that comes with night allows it to do so.

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

4 posted 2003-08-18 11:31 PM

OMG...This poem was amazing! I've tried SOO many times to capture that moment on paper...but so far, have not been successful. But you conveyed this PERFECTLY. I'm definitely going to start reading more of your poetry...Nice write!

Going in my library...

"I would sleep forever, if it meant I'd never stop dreaming..."

ljossberir
Member

since 2003-05-04

Posts 81
Ny, USA

5 posted 2003-08-19 12:51 PM

I really liked this poem, man
Been there before, too.

This is an amazing "capture" of those restless nights that I have myself..
so there's a definite feeling of connection and empathy here and that makes me appreciate your work even more.

I'm struggling to find something that can be improved, only a slight change of a phrase or two can better this, the structure and flow seem good.

good work!

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

6 posted 2003-08-19 08:30 PM

I agree with everyone. I really liked this, and how it was so descriptive of something I'm sure we've all felt before but have never been able to write about. Good job.

"Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe"~Maroon 5~

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