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| Teen Poetry #6 |
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spoon it |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz 
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I don't think I could ever taste a kiss as sweet as yours. Sitting in your basement bedroom, yellow plasters the blue and we dream and smoke. And dream. Inhale. I love you my girl. Love you, yeah. [Or so I think I do]. You’re my doll with the brim pulled down too low. Back to school, chip the hearse. [Seven card draw, eleven’s the lucky number.] We sit in math class and you draw and I stare. Your photo in my album, [purple and red chicken scratch] I want to kiss you. Again, for the first time. /jen/ at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin. |
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| © Copyright 2002 jennifer elizabeth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
Brilliant. Why on earth cant I have submissions like yours to edit? quote: Loved that part. You worded that part well, so that it fitted with everything else you said. Not many poems I've read on the same topic do that very well. Yours seemed oh-so-much jazzier. Nice write Jen;  more I say!
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Wow, Jen. I seriously mean that - wow. I've added this to my library so it can be read over and over again. I love the wording and the concept of the whole thing. Wow - damn you for blowing me away.  Seriously, this is a fantastic piece. If it were crap, you know I'd tell you and there is no fault in this. Well done.  Me. "No hesitation, no delay |
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
this has got to definitely be my favorite poem right now  beeeautiful. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
"Jazzy" is a good adjective for this poem, so I'll repeat what Cherish said on the matter. I'm loving the mellow but not-quite-positive tone of this poem. You've written this with great expertise, and I commend you. You are a fine poet, /jen/. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
This is an extremely well written peice although I don't think that it is as good as some of your other work, it is however an excellent read, so thank you for sharing Andrew |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really liked this. I thought it was about me since it was like about kissing, but no....  well done though. I loved it hehe... This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
jav, you do remind me of the person this is about. heh. ::smiles:: /jen/ at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin. |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
oh, and to everyone who does read this. it's my half birthday today!! yay!! i'm celebrating it with a really gross lollipop, heh. but i will always love pink lemonade... it is by far my favourite drink. happy day everyone. /jen/ at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin. |
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