it's all my falt - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Deep_Inside
Member

since 2002-02-14

Posts 377
i can't stop hiding

0 posted 2002-10-16 11:16 PM

this weeks been...ya
there is a lot i going though
and i don't know why
i talk to you

you listen look and be there
hug me when i need it
but what had been happening
is complete (edited by moderator)

we don't do that
being around is hard
and it seems contact
between us has been bared

its hard looking at you
and know well never be that way
and guess what tomorrow
is going to be a hell of a day

i saw the change
in you loog ago
i just want you
to stop the show

out of all this
in every way
theres on the
i want to say

i don't want things
to come to a halt
i'm sorry
because it's all my falt

clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

1 posted 2002-10-16 11:21 PM

this sort of reminded me of a journal entry. i liked the structure of the poem. nice writing

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-17 01:51 AM

This is alright. I think you should try not to use such common rhymes, though.

I thought some of this read through rather well.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2002-10-17 04:43 PM

You have a few errors as far as the grammar is concerned, but I liked it...hope to see more.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

4 posted 2002-10-17 07:08 PM

i liked it. it went very well with the song i was listening to at the moment [stoned - silverchair].

good write.

thanks for sharing.

oh, when writing the word yeah, maybe you should spell it the proper way. i'm simply saying this because when i read it [spelled ya] my mind instinctively pronounced it with a j, in the german way. i'm not sure if i'm the only one [since i have friends who keep moving back and forth between here and germany], but it could get confusing, and it took away from the piece for me.

/jen/

at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin.

and then i read it.

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-17-2002 07:09 PM).]

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.