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Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2003-07-24 08:59 PM

No where left to run to,
So this I leave for you.
I write this piece,
To help release,
The pain I hide,
I was denied,
The love I deserve.
You had the nerve,
To kill me inside,
For you I died.
Such grief inside me,
Burns of third degree,
Left scars on my skin,
So Now You Win.

Ball and chain,
Feel the pain,
You left for me,
How can this be…?
There is no light,
Left in sight,
Only darkness to fade into,
Slowly…without you.
Are you happy alone?
I should’ve known...
I let the darkness in,
So Now You Win.

If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain.

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

1 posted 2003-07-24 10:29 PM

Wow... I really liked that. Like... REALLY liked that. Like... HOLY CHOCHA THAT WAS AMAZING!!!

i love the ending, i love the rhyming, i love the point, i love it all. It was a good title and a good... AHHH wow i'm in awe i'll just stop talking. i'm gonna remember this one.

~cassi

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

2 posted 2003-07-24 10:54 PM

Wow, Stac. I think you're writing keeps getting better. LoL...Honestly. There is nothing of yours that I don't like. You write the style that I WISH I could. You have awesome stuff, hun. I hope that you get a chance to publish your poems...you definitely deserve it. Nice job! Love's.

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

3 posted 2003-07-24 11:04 PM

Ooooooo yes yes this is a keeper! Oh my Staci this was a REALLY good poem! I'm kinda speechless at the moment but ya know what I think of it! ~Jess

"If I could give you one gift it would be my eyes...So you could see how it feels to be me looking at you." -Unknown

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

4 posted 2003-07-24 11:11 PM

I LOVED the emmotion in this poem

Bravo!

I'm just kickin it up

FireInYourEyes
New Member

since 2002-12-20

Posts 9

5 posted 2003-07-24 11:15 PM

Wow...I really liked this. The rhythm was a little bit off in a few bits, but in general, I thought it was great. I ESPECIALLY liked the way you capitalized each word in "So Now You Win"...it really adds to the affect. Great work!

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

6 posted 2003-07-24 11:44 PM

good write. with the quickness huh? yeah.

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

7 posted 2003-07-25 12:46 PM

This was nice and insightful, honestly the lines were a little too short. The Emotion was there but could've been more intense like I've seen from you. Sure I'll give it two big toes up.

NJS

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