Afraid but will Overcome - pipTalk Forums

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StraightFromTheHeart
New Member

since 2003-07-24

Posts 7
In a computer chair on mi butt.......

0 posted 2003-07-24 06:49 AM

Im afraid
Im afraid of the world around me
Im afraid of my friends and peers
Im afraid of going outside
Im afraid of wut is yet to come
Im afraid to be alone
Im afraid of death
Im afraid of life
Im afraid

I will over come my fears
I will over come my fear of the world around me
I will over come my fear of my friends and peers
I will over come my fear of going outside
I will over come my fear of what is yet to come
I will over come my fear of being alone
I will over come my fear of death
I will over come my fear of life
I will over come my fear

[This message has been edited by StraightFromTheHeart (07-24-2003 06:53 AM).]

StraightFromTheHeart
New Member

since 2003-07-24

Posts 7
In a computer chair on mi butt.......

1 posted 2003-07-24 06:57 AM

Please everyone critique me! Be honest! But dont be mean about it!

Behind mi smile liez a broken heart!

teenpoet
Member

since 2001-10-17

Posts 280
Michigan

2 posted 2003-07-24 10:43 AM

You seem to have alot of fears. But then again I have many of those same fears. And I don't doubt that you will overcome your fears. It's a very repetitive poem, I don't know if that's a good or bad thing but I guess it works.

Welcome to Passions. Have tons of fun. And good luck.

The future isn't now, that was yesterday.

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

3 posted 2003-07-24 12:20 PM

well lets see, i am not so sure how much i like the second stanza, i got tounged tied trying to said i will overcome my fear so many times

, but HEY! it didn't rhyme.....lol.......good job.
ri

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

4 posted 2003-07-25 01:25 AM

This is such a soap box piece... the protesting, the screaming, it brings me a feeling of how you will survive. No matter the odds nothing will stop our will to be free of fear! Nice start.

NJS

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

5 posted 2003-08-01 09:10 PM

ok well...after the first couple lines of the second stanza I realized it was the same as the first. So that was disappointing. I think you should take one or more of the things your afraid of and write a poem about that. Tell us why not just what.
~Lex

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